24 October 2008 Skrufff-E #385

"It's clear the city was wrong. However, I'm glad that I was able to fight for my rights. In the end, I found justice." (Ananova)

US ciitzen Dawn Herb speaking after being awarded US$20,000 for wrongful arrest after she was busted by an off duty cop last year for swearing at her toilet.


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: Ibiza Brits Behaving Not So Badly
: Christian Nymphos’ Shameless Sex
: French Stars Needle Sarkozy Voodoo Doll
: Canny Granny Cops A Cocaine Plea
: Barefoot Doctor Bit: Does It Make Sense To Sometimes Fear The Future?
: Iraqi Cockroaches Invade America
: Hedge Fund Hero Blasts ‘Idiot’ Bankers
: Gildas from Kitsune- Image is (Almost) Everything
: Shock Chocolate Willy Warning


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The Skrufff Show On Ministry Of Sound Radio:

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-xCrM2Avwmj1SA%403711419-xc0cMZbC4Q6J6 (Click on the ‘listen again’ button to hear archived Skrufff shows)

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Welcome to Issue 385,

Mixmag have given a fantastic review of Skrufff DJ Fidelity Kastrow’s new single 21st Century Girl in their new November issue (page 99) branding it a ‘Great package from Germany.’

"There's no doubt that red hot Berlin producer/ DJ Fidelity Kastrow has released one of the best tracks this year,” the English magazine declares, “The lyrics are about girls refusing to conform to stereotypical ideas as to how a girl should be. Crunchy electro techniness and goodness all throughout the track will get the chicks saluting in no time. Can't wait to hear more from this artist soon."

To hear the track (including my remix) click on my Myspace page or Fidelity’s page, where you’ll hear Mark Reeder’s radio edit.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-QBDZX59aGQfXY%403711420-0/TzN8gSNBPhY

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-cb36mAhqURupw%403711421-QMP.okhzy3uK%2e

Be Skrufffy

Jonty Skrufff & the Skrufff Team

For information on advertising in Skrufff-E, please email Jonty Skrufff @ jonty@skrufff.com

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Ibiza Brits Behaving Not So Badly

Britain’s ambassador to Spain Denise Holt said this week that just a handful of over-excited teenagers cause trouble in Ibiza’s San Antonio each year going on to suggest that Britain’s horrific hooligan reputation is grossly exaggerated.

“When you look at the figures, it's amazing how many British people come to Spain and how little trouble there is,” Ms Holt told the Times, “With 17 million visitors to Spain each year, that's like the entire population going every four years.”

Offical embassy figures showed just 1,931 Brits were arrested in Spain last year (a ‘miniscule’ proportion she noted) with 748 hospitalised.

“There is a slightly different attitude towards drugs in Ibiza,” the Ambassador added, “If you get stopped at the airport and it is personal consumption, the police will simply take the drugs.”

The article coincided with the publication of Gary Cross’ new book ‘Men to Boys, The Making of Modern Immaturity’ in which the Pennsylvania State University professor identified a new tribe of ‘boy men’ who are desperate to avoid growing up.

“Mocking of convention in celebrations of amoral violent fantasy, crude vulgarity and unrestrained appetite, the boy-man makes a fetish of the ‘cool’,” he suggested, “He turns maturity into a joke, a pitiful loss to be avoided at almost all costs.”

British (female) writer Helen Walsh, meanwhile, considered her own passage from 13 year old self confessed drug talking rave fiend to acclaimed adult author and admitted becoming a mother to a baby boy 15 months ago has radically altered her perspective.

"My mother used to say to me when I was a teenager, 'Just you wait till you have kids'. And I used to quip back, 'Well I hope they're just like me, savvy and streetwise and in love with life',” she told the Independent, “Now, I can't think of anything worse than having a mini-me,” she added.

The Independent coincidentally published a detailed guide for boy-men dreaming of being James Bond in the same week, declaring ‘Bond's style sorts the men from the boys’.

“The Independent fashion desk can't decide what kind of pants Bond wears – given his irascibility, maybe tight ones,” the newspaper added, “Just ensure that they live up to the rest of your look – get it right, and they definitely won't be "for your eyes only”.”


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Skrufff Bites:

“The younger generation, they're American'd out. When I hang out with my brothers, they'll say 'what's happenin' blud", which is an American word. You can't say that in LA. You say that to a Crip, you've got a big f**king problem.”(The Quietus)

Tricky worries about the increasing Americanisation of England.


"Over the last ten years, British holidaymakers have rediscovered the national tradition of world exploration thanks to the ease and speed of internet booking and cheaper flights. This means that, more than ever, the British public are embracing different cultures from across the globe.” (Metro, UK)

Elena Antoniou, of lastminute.com comments on a new study revealing that British women consider German men to be ‘sexiest in the world’.


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Christian Nymphos’ Shameless Sex

Evangelical housewives in America have launched an online guide to Biblically approved sex which encourages God-fearing married women to live up to the site’s URL of ChristianNymphos.com.

“The word ‘Nympho’ has a negative connotation for some. It doesn’t have to stay this way,” the site’s (anonymous) author declares “We are women with excessive sexual desire for our husbands! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

800,000 visitors have already flocked to the apparently genuine Biblically approved sex site which offers practical advice on such topics as finding the male G Spot and ‘Rimming, Anilingus, and Anal-Oral Sex’.

“I wanted to include this in my articles about anal play and anal sex, because some people think Christians don’t practice this,” Ms Christian Nympho explains, “I can assure you that both my husband and myself feel totally at peace about our decision to include this in our love making from time to time,” she explains, “It definitely makes it very SPICY!”

The sexually explicit site is unlikely to go down well in Uganda where authorities this week ordered cops to become more proactive in hunting down gays several months after Ugandan Bishop Luzinda issued a Biblically inspired decree against non-procreative sex by gays and lesbians.

"I have been hearing that gays are demanding that the government should legalise their activities,” the Bishop said in June, adding ‘this is absurd because God created a man and woman so that they can produce and fill this world.”

Uganda Ethics and Integrity Minister James Nsaba Buturo entered the debate this week, warning that ‘mushrooming’ homosexuality is threatening Uganda’s ‘moral health’.

“We know that homosexuals don't reproduce. There is now a globalisation of homosexuality and people in Uganda are attempting to take advantage of the globalisation. It is an attempt to end civilization,” he warned.

"Who's going to occupy Uganda 20 years from now if we all become homosexuals” the Minister curiously mused.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-wFdDhXHFqz7IM%403711422-sDwkl1.3EY7uY (Christian Nymphos on rimming: DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-JGYJohI55KID.%403711423-633YDp2Yqwkw%2e (Priest Off protection spray infomercial: fantastic: highly recommended pest control!!!)

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Skrufff Interview:

Jon Carter- on Gentleman’s Agreements (and Dodgy Deals) (Interview)

“There’s £100,000 that should be in my bank account that isn’t there; And that f**king hurts. I’ve got a mortgage and bills to pay and I would really like that money to be in that account right now. It’s a combination of things, basically record company dodgy deals.”

UK underground house legend Jon Carter admits he’s worked out in detail all the people that have ripped him off throughout his career, though stresses it’s major labels rather than indies who’ve taught him some harsh lessons.

“You get walked around the block and try not to let it happen again but the people who rip you off are often the people with the most money,” he says.

“I’ve done gigs for promoters who couldn’t pay me on the night, but they turned up two weeks later with all the cash they owed me. It’s the ones on the corporate ladders that you have to watch out for. In any business . . . (more)”

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-cjwomPvJ.7TMY%403711424-XD8QgiL45.djY


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French Stars Needle Sarkozy Voodoo Doll

Cheeky toy manufacturers who produced 20,000 voodoo dolls of Nicolas Sarkozy faced possible legal action this week after the French President claimed the doll violated his image rights.

The must-have figurines come with pins and instructions on how to cast spells on the politician and impressed Motor mouth/ French star Mr No.

“I will be very tempted to pin the voodoo doll of him, not to make him suffer but to make him do less stupid stuff,” the electro-tech wandering star told Skrufff, adding that he’s a firm believer in the potency of spells.

“I believe in magic big-time, especially live on stage or when I have sex,” the typically outspoken French star proudly declared.

“I also believe in the power of positive thinking because it works. It gives life a fun and agreeable ride,” he continued, “But what I can't stand is when people think too positively about themselves, because not only they're in denial of being absolutely f***ing rubbish, but also because they've got their fingers stuck up their arse,” he laughed.

Fellow exiled French DJ/ producer Jerry Bouthier told Skrufff he’s nowadays more concerned about political issues in his adopted country of Britain than France though admitted he remains deeply unimpressed with Sarkozy.

"In real life he seems erm . . quite good fun but his political stances are definitely evil; he stands close to the extreme right wing - not far from Margaret Thatcher,” said Jerry.

“Sure he's liberal over some issues and up to now you'd have thought that was possibly a good thing for the economy but as the whole system is crumbling down you start to wonder. French people elected him as president thinking he was going to sort everything out like some kind of Messiah but it's been a bit of a disaster on all accounts. He's just a big mouth; like George Bush or Silvio Berlusconi. It’s sad to see that people everywhere buy into these people.”

Jerry, who as well as sound-tracking fashion shows for Vivienne Westwood works closely with uber-cool Paris label Kitsune, said he’s yet to be convinced of the power of magic though recalled a tragic night when asked if he’d had any supernatural experiences.

"Well, not really, but the night my brother Tom committed suicide in New York (ten years ago next month), I swear I felt in my sleep some sort of communication from him (before I actually found out when my mother rang me up at 6am),” he recalled.

“I felt like this enormous pain coming from him and I woke up screaming, feeling really scared. Was that a last yell? Or his soul leaving his body? I'll never find out. Bless him, he's still terribly missed,” said Jerry.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-jZE2O0W/VksrE%403711425-frjUNI.CtznZE (Nicolas Sarkozy being rude, youtube- in French)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-zJsVw0M1RebGE%403711426-bHMB9bP4IoA4M (Raising the dead spells: ‘By the virtue of the holy resurrection, and the torments of the damned, I conjure and exorcise thee, Spirit of N. deceased, to answer my liege demands, being obedient unto these sacred ceremonies, on pain of everlasting torment and distress....Berald, beroald, Balbin, Gab, Gabor, Agaba.Arise, arise, I charge and command thee! . .’ NOT SAFE FOR GRAVEYARDS!!!!!)


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Canny Granny Cops A Cocaine Plea

A 77 year old Cornish lady who was busted with an ounce of cocaine in her handbag escaped jail this week after a judge accepted her explanation that she used it to treat pneumonia after apparently being given it by a good Samaritan who told her ‘it will give you a lift'. (Daily Telegraph)

"I give you credit for pleading guilty and for being a person of mature years who has never been before a court before in their life,” Exeter Magistrates District Judge Paul Farmer told Ms Betty Nicholls.

"It is unusual for somebody to give a stranger 27.4 grams of class A drugs,” he noted.

The five foot tall widow was given a 60 day curfew order and told to wear an electronic tag in marked contrast to 39 year old father of two Neil Wetherill, who was this week given a 40 week (suspended) sentence after pleading guilty to supplying a tiny amount of MDMA at Guilfest Music Festival.

Mr Wetherill was busted after making the mistake of being generous to two female revelers who asked him for pills, who in the event turned out to be undercover cops acting as agent provocateurs.

“He had a bag and handed some crystals to the officer and she said ‘How much?’, to which he replied ‘No charge’,” chief prosecutor Jill Beale told the Court, “The officer then asked if her friend could also have some of the drugs, to which Wetherill agreed,” she added (GetSurrey.com)

Judge Christopher Critchlow, however, was less generous.

“You should not be involved, at your age, with drugs. You should not be involved at all,” he stormed, “You have lost your good character as a result of these offences at GuilFest, but I give you credit for your guilty plea,” he added.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-SBuwZzHyfhATA%403711427-KAeHkl.0jrMf2 (US police agent provocateurs caught in the act, 2007)


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http://m1e.net/c?79528602-xY6WY339TK21I%403711428-NzURWwiLetuFI (Check out Skrufff contributor Sean Hocking’s label Metal Postcard here)

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Barefoot Doctor Bit: Does It Make Sense To Sometimes Fear The Future?

Barefoot Doctor: “It's not so much about whether feeling afraid makes sense, because fear is intrinsic to being human - it keeps you alive by making you alert to potential danger.

What doesn't make sense or more precisely, what doesn't help, is having been alerted, say, in the case of the current economic contraction, to the danger of losing your livelihood, to then succumb to panic or anxiety.

Once you get the message that danger lies ahead, you should adjust your strategy and plans as best you can, making what look like the best choices from moment to moment, reducing your overheads as you go along and taking a view on alternative ways to bring money in.

But rather than doing so fearfully, which makes it impossible to make wise choices, do so excitedly, like a warrior embarking on an adventure, trusting in the 'fairy godmother' aspect of life to take care of you. Be courageous and ready to be reduced to zero wealth if that's where the path takes you, knowing that you can only bounce back subsequently. Because that way, you’ll retain your personal power and as long as you have that, regardless of material wealth levels, you fortunes will sooner or later revive.

And whenever panic or anxiety threatens to overtake you, train yourself to relax your body and breathe slowly, just like a martial artist in combat who loses if they lose their cool, or like a woman in labour breathing into the contractions, until you feel your courage return. AAnd carry on with the innate faith that no matter how pear-shaped the current view is, crisis always brings danger and opportunity and if you keep seeking the latter rather than fixate on the former, all will be well.”

Ease Off The Stress – Buddharize NOW!

The world is growing more and more insane, and you want peace and sanity.
Barefoot Doctor – http://m1e.net/c?79528602-wwpABMvCOaLaI%403711429-traaFWe9VttjE – Supercharged Taoist gives you the antidote to thrive in the midst of the madness in his
'Daily Doc Box' - http://m1e.net/c?79528602-L8U4K0hyjNosc%403711430-ThYDk8qmm8aXo – Sent FREE To Your Screen.
Pure Taoist wisdom for the Modern Maverick.
Save Yourself – Save The World.

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Iraqi Cockroaches Invade America

Insect experts warned this week that US soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan are unwittingly bringing back deadly Turkistan cockroaches, after the fast breeding insects were revealed to have colonised California.

"It started with soldiers and equipment coming back from the first Gulf war in the early 1990s, but it's still happening and they're spreading to other areas," said Philip Koehler, a professor of entomology at the University of Florida, Gainesville, "They like to live around the outside of houses, but also to invade them,” he told the Guardian.

Londoner-in-LA David Harrow (aka acclaimed electro-jazz-eclectic legend James Hardway) downplayed the threat, declaring ‘it’s yet another grossly exaggerated US story’, and said he’s personally ambivalent about cockroaches in general.

“I really don’t like them to be honest, but luckily we don’t have any inside our house, although we do have a lot of black widow spiders that reside in my back garden and guest house,” he revealed.

“Most spiders eat around a 1000 insects in their life time so I usually let them be unless there are egg sacs inside the house, those get dealt with,” he added. “I try not to kill anything on a daily basis if at all possible. We have cats and bull terriers so anything that moves across my yard tends to be captured, tortured and eaten.”

The hugely accomplished electro pioneer relocated to LA from Tottenham, North London several years ago and has recently released a new album under his James Hardway monicker called LA Instrumental, a title showing how much he’s adopted his adopted home town’s vibe.

“I do have a friend that as well as being a trained entomologist Is also, in Hollywood film tech speak, a fly wrangler, that is, someone who provides insects in general for movies,” David revealed.

“He gave me a jar of 10 thousand dead blue bottles they used in the film Seven with Morgan Freeman. He gets a dollar for every fly he provides. He’s got a nice praying mantis too,” he said.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-q0KlvPj/YGi3o%403711431-OaxP/0nxJHy.g (James Hardway: LA Instrumental: is available here)


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Hedge Fund Hero Blasts ‘Idiot’ Bankers

Multi-millionaire hedge fund guru Andrew Lahde published a hilarious retirement letter thanking greedy rival investment bankers this week, singling out those with ‘rich parents’ for making his job easy.

“I was in this game for the money. The low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking,” he remarked.

“These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior (sic)) supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America,” he declared.

The hugely successful financier shut down his company last month after becoming famous last year for making an 886% profit from anticipating the collapse of America’s sub-prime market, though spoke bitterly of ‘destroying’ his health through stress brought on from working in finance. He concluded his statement with a well argued plea to legalising cannabis and hemp, the latter to use as a food and alternative energy source.

“It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country,” he noted.

“My only conclusion as to why it is illegal, is that Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other additive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers. This policy is ludicrous,” said Andrew.

His letter appeared days after civil liberties champion Paul Armentano from NORML described America’s war on pot as a war on teenagers at a speech delivered at the legalization organisation’s annual conference.

“According to a 2005 study commissioned by the NORML Foundation, 74 percent of all Americans busted for pot are under age 30, and 1 out of 4 are age 18 or younger. That's nearly a quarter of a million teenagers arrested for marijuana violations each year,” he noted.

“To put this bluntly, we now have an entire generation that has been alienated to believe that the police and their civic leaders are instruments of their oppression rather than their protection,” he said.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-q14/cMIGFUbZI%403711432-v30EE78vk9RuE (Andrew Lahde’s farewell letter in full)


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Skrufff Bites:

“We had a relationship that went far beyond friendship. Jörg and I were connected by something truly special. He was the man of my life.” (Independent)

Stefan Petzner, the new leader of Austria’s far right ‘Alliance for the Future of Austria’ reveals a long standing affair with Jorg Haider, who died in a car crash last week, minutes after storming out of a gay club.


"Before this case, I had associated cannibalism with eras long gone, with the tale of Robinson Crusoe. No longer. You have plumbed depths rarely encountered in our court."

Judge Stewart sentences former Mr Gay UK winner Anthony Morley to a minimum term of 30 years in jail, for murdering, dismembering, flavouring and trying to eat Damian Oldfield.


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Gildas from Kitsune- Image is (Almost) Everything

Gildas Louac chatted to Skrufff this week about the philosophy behind his uber-fashionable boutique label Kitsune and revealed that fashion and appearance are vital ingredients for both his artists and the label itself.

“I don’t listen to all the music we receive as demos, it would be absolutely impossible, there’s not enough time,” he pointed out, “Image is important for standing out, plus it depends on the producer’s name, the music’s style and whether it’s within a musical environment I like.”

The French music industry mogul made his name co-managing Daft Punk with Ed Banger mainman Pedro though unlike Pedro continues to work on side projects with the massively successful electro-pop duo.

“Daft Punk is a long trust love story, they’re great artists with a particular vision,” said Gildas, adding that he believes few of today’s new producers will be able to emulate their success.

“The Daft Punk story happen at a good time though obviously they have great tunes which is essential,” he noted. “But at the time they also had a record company strong enough to really support the release and now that sales are falling, labels are investing less.”

Gildas’ own four year old label has thrived via electro-disco producers including Digitalism, Autokratz and a myriad of eclectic song based artists and continues to release successful label compilations (including new one Kitsune Maison 6: the Melodic One’) though free downloading has had a massive impact, he admits.

“Music doesn’t have so much value these days, it’s free on all these blogs, especially in our niche market where kids are faster and more furious,” he said.

“The Kitsune catalogue is free,” he added, “Though I’m eating my hat about that, as we say in France,” he laughed,

“The image we are building with Kitsune is the only way to develop some possible income, we have a great clothes line and already some Kitsune fans are buying clothes in the Palais Royal Center of Paris: you can’t download shirts and jeans,” he said.

He also admitted that vinyl is increasingly fading out of the equation, declaring CDJs (Pioneer CD decks) are winning the game’.

“Vinyl used to be great fun to release but it now costs more than what we can make from selling it. Vinyl records are still beautiful objects but we have to choose much more carefully which artists we do vinyl releases for.”

He also said he has no plans to emulate Pedro Winter’s efforts to launch himself as DJ/ producer Busy P, declaring I’m not an artist and I don't have any personal ambition for fame’.

“I prefer to let real artists do their job well and for me to focus on doing my best to support them. I'm a good assistant and Kitsuné is meant to provide a good service,” he added.

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-xLyqp6ddTJIj.%403711433-wBTNtEiIGrOlo (Kitsune Maison 6: the Melodic One’ is out now (and includes tracks from Etienne de Crecy, Fischerspooner, A-Trak. LA Roux and more).


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Shock Chocolate Willy Warning

Britain’s Food Standards Agency (FSA) ordered English sex shock chain Anne Summers to remove thousands of chocolate sex toys from their shelves this week, after discovering high levels of melamine in the Chinese manufactured goods.

"This is a first,” an FSA alert announced, “We've never had to put out an alert before on willy spread, chocolate-flavoured or otherwise," it added (the Guardian)

The dangerous chocolate warning coincided with another food scare in Sweden, where cancer experts warned this week that women who drink too much caffeine risk shrinking their breast size significantly.

"Drinking coffee can have a major effect on breast size," study chief Helena Jernstroem of Lund University said (writing in British Journal of Cancer), adding ‘Women with larger breasts will be most affected’. (New York Post)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-4mWdua6/LVtSo%403711434-C5yh3RGFoYwp6 (Nigella Lawson’s Chocolate Cake recipe, SAFE-ish for work)


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Skrufff Selected Links:

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-Zz.PGjfsEg4NY%403711435-py6m5baTUkybE (Sand painting picture game: hours of fun)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-5W7Cva79A5pDQ%403711436-WWRhyODxQLXEg (James Bond shooting game)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-ejJeEn1T7ZO1k%403711437-14fzgw2dtw7pc (James Bond sound clips)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-yqcMgozVNcYkM%403711438-6NpsccDonQ9EQ (Sarah Silverman’s voter registration drive, youtube clip)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-ZQHrsnurTUqbA%403711439-Iv8wYR2jEkjUg (Who owns you Americans?, Youtube)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-Q7yuSwFYyZRoM%403711440-wNvS18sVwc5rM (‘Never get busted again: tips from an ex US cop’, video)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-mEZcfjsylEZV.%403711441-muVdbuSTGK/Z2 (New York (dog dirt) street art)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-M/bGFrync8EyU%403711442-R7a9lZlfE3Lc2 (Harmony matching device for laptop DJs)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-PUJTwYqCmgwYQ%403711443-/xXh0aetz8y8Q (Mixmag ‘What’s Your Raving Age’ quiz)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-iGMYB0ZUNqg9U%403711444-EeoFpP5Bvzrts (top trumps drugs game)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-HUI.57B/9MYHo%403711445-10JuhvAEgSceg (Lord Manley’s vasectomy operation: graphic and NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR THE SQUEAMISH! Arrghhhh!)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-KBmNnWqv7p23g%403711446-HIYRej8yItGRM (Japan: Adolescent Sex: real men in make-up: classic Youtube)

http://m1e.net/c?79528602-YW7O54er5wVT6%403711447-RwkGhNCJzNELE (Street Art)

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