A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. They fill out their forms and wait to be called in. The brunette goes first. After discussing her qualifications, the interviewer decides to ask one last question:

"How many Ds are there in 'Indiana Jones'?"

The brunette thinks for a couple of seconds (concerned that it might be a trick question) and responds, "One."

The interviewer thanks her and sends her on her way, with a promise that he'll get back to her after he's had a chance to interview the remaining applicants.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many Ds are there in 'Indiana Jones'?"

The redhead immediately says, "One."

As before, the interviewer concludes the interview and tells her he'll call after the interview process is finished.
The blonde comes into the room last. She goes through the questions, and finally the interviewer asks: "How many Ds are there in 'Indiana Jones'?"

The blonde gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6... Hmmm... Wait... 2, 4, 6... Can I borrow your calculator please?"

After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two!"

The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"

The blonde grins from ear to ear, and replies...Click here to hear answer




A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a f***ing checking account"

To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

"Listen damnit, I said I want to open a f***in' checking account right now."

"I'm sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 100 million bucks in the lottery and I want to open a f***in' checking account at this damn bank!"

"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

The first one is lame. I am not opening a wav file to get a joke

More importantly, the wav doesnt work.

the indiana jones joke sucks even with the wav

:P doesnt work

I agree with Kat.

needs more joke

thanks to elitetorrents

"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very attached to."

"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel ummm,... *physically* attracted to my horse!"

"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?"

"Female, of course!" the man replied. "What do you think I am...GAY?"
----------------------------
The Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cussed her: " Where have you been all this time, you
ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you
were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you
put your Mum through??!!"

The girl, crying, replied: "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a
prostitute..."
"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to
this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxury fur coat,
title deeds to a ten bed-roomed mansion, plus a savings account
certificate for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and
for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's
parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a
breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my
new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it you said you had become?" Girl, crying again, "Sniff,
sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"

"Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a
Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!"
------------------------------
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."
--------------------------
Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story.

"Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"

"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
--------------------
A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."

A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY s*** my pants!"
-----------------------------

last edited by infiNex at 14:11:54 15/Feb/05

Time for me to bring out a thread saver =)




A man living in Darwin recently wins the lotto and decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his mates, neighbors and Jimmy, one of the local aboriginals from the pub.
He holds the party around the pool in the backyard of his new mansion and everyone's having a great time drinking heaps of beer, dancing an eating heaps of seafood
At the height of the party, the lotto winner gets everyones attention an announces that he has a bit of entertainment planned,

"I have a 15ft man-eating Crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in and can beat it"
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and sees Jimmy in the pool!

Jimmy was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! He was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and chokeholds, even biting the croc on the tail at one stage before flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor churning and splashing water everywhere.

Both Jimmy and the croc were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Jimmy strangles the croc and it floats to the top like a K-mart goldfish.
Jimmy then slowly climbed out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the lotto winner says, "Well, Jimmy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"Nah, it's right, I don't want it," said Jimmy while looking around.
The lotto winner said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet, how about half a million bucks then?"

"Nah thanks cuz. Don't want it" answered Jimmy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something that was amazing. How about a couple of cases of goon an new ute?"
Still looking around Jimmy says "Nah thanks cuz".

Confused, the now rich man asks, "Well Jimmy, then is their anything that you want?"
Jimmy stops looking around an stares the host in the eye an says

"I want the name of the c*nt who pushed me in the Pool"

ok my turn

whats pink, sits in front of a mirror and gets smaller and smaller??
































a baby combing its hair with a potato peeler