-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Large, whole-level, inner-city New York loft appartments are readily available for low-income students 'between jobs'.

-when wearing a bullet-proof vest, the bad guy will always shoot you there and not your head.

Americans eventually win at the end and are shown as heroes.

- every event that occurs in your day is accompanied by music suitable for the moment, making your life that much cooler.

the black guy always die first, unless they are a) the star, b) the comic relief or c) say motherf***er and aiight a lot. or in most cases, all 3.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

haha whoever made this up didnt pay attention in jurassic park

i actually think it was referring to jurassic park.

- Shooting at your oponent in a gun fight will hit everything but them.

last edited by xel at 16:48:51 29/Nov/04

^^

i actually think it was referring to jurassic park.

u are such a smart cookie!

-the feds will always try to steal the detectives case
-the bad guy is your best friend

last edited by Irhabi at 17:09:42 29/Nov/04

air travels down in a low pressure system

-your love interest always turns out to be your long lost sister.

-no matter how fast you piss-bolt, the axe murderer always catches up to you by walking briskly in a menacing fashion.

-1 solider/marien/special forces can take out a whole army with one gun, knife and a peice of rope
-if you write an AI with a female voice it will fall in-love with you


last edited by Irhabi at 17:35:47 29/Nov/04

- Despite the fact that the Alien's computer hardware and software were developed in a completely different galaxy/universe/dimension without any influence from ours, it's always possible for a standard, home copy of windows on a pentium laptop to interface with their networks and bypass security/harvest data/engage in a webcam conversation.

bad guys can NEVER shoot straight but good guys can shoot with sniper like precision with a handgun.

when confronted by an intruder in your home always rerteat up the stairs instead of out the front door.

- law enforcement officers sleep with they handgun loaded and under their pillows. waiting for unsuspecting intruders to walk up and startle them in their sleep.

-bad guys being chased by the cops will always go to the roof of a tall building

the fuel tank of a standard car is a mini-hydrogen bomb just waiting to take out a street.

all asians anywhere in the world are martial arts experts.

haha

hahah , excellent work slaps_forehead

Aliens that have mastered space and time, decide to take over a planet that contains 75% water which is caustic to them. They start by drawing crop circles in red neck america, whilst preparing to kill humanity armed only with fart gas.

These higher organisms are mentally defeated by a basement door. To top it all off they have the s*** beat out of them with a baseball bat.

Stupid c***ard directors make baby spock cry. blah

If you ever want to see if you're being followed just look for a big black SUV making no attempt at being subtle in your rear vission mirror.

good thread

- There is only one detective at each police station that knows what to do and does 99% of the work, and the rest are there to help make him look good.

- Bad guys always wear non-descript black sunnies, whereas the good guys wear brand name sunnies with cool names.

- If you are ever being chased by a crazy psycho in a car, you're better off on foot, running straight down the middle of the road.

Clips almost never run out of ammo, and if they do there is always just enough lead to save your ass.

- There are absolutely no repercussions from any damage you may cause to public property as a result of you fighting giant lizards.

- Although natural disasters are inevitable, you will most likely remain unscathed, famous and making out with the hottest chick around after they occur.

No object is too heavy to lift, unless there is someone’s leg caught underneath

haha^^

- If your best mate is about to die, don't worry, they'll save time to tell you how much you mean to them.

No object is too heavy to lift, unless there is someone’s leg caught underneath

wrong, the core :D

last edited by shrapse at 18:17:10 29/Nov/04

-All scientists are eccetric and misuse basic technical terms.

Didn't see the Core
People's homes are always "Brand new" clean.

- Car windshields are always spotless, and all cars have lights inside them that softly illuminate the driver's face.

- When you're about to go over train tracks in a speeding car, the train will always be approaching from the side

- Bald men with their head being sprayed with miracle hair growing spray is the only advertisement on tv

- The bad guy, no matter how puny weak they are take forever to die from shot wounds

- All bad guys are not fully dead until they come up behind you so you can shoot them down again

- If you are a cop, your chick partner is always hot

- You never get hit from speeding through streaming traffic

- when in a high speed chase, always power slide around corners, drive down one lane alleys where the truck is collecting garbage and take the streets that have hills as jumps, cuz u get sick air and land undamaged

- A kick to the testicles is merely an annoyance from which the good guy will quickly recover.

After a big action scene there's bound to be ads and commercials afterwards to give the viewers a chance to catch their breath.

last edited by Booyah at 18:34:58 29/Nov/04

Action stars can tell how many bullets are left in a gun by its weight

Hot girls enjoy having their arses grabbed, especially if your hand is possessed. You can probably fake that though.

The more angsty and bitter a girl is the more likely she is going to end up falling in love with the guy she hates.

Black guys in action movies must say something hilarious every 5 minutes to avoid getting killed.

- In terms of computer knowledge, there are no in-betweens. You're either a world-class hacker who could bring the gibson to its knees or have trouble using a calculator; this is partly due to the fact that most command-line interfaces have commands such as 'disable security' or 'hax the planet'. Similarily, no-one over the age of 30 can use a computer.

last edited by Hashy at 19:22:09 29/Nov/04

- computers that require silly things like "file systems" are obsolete as i can navigate through my computer in a 3d virtual world

- i can get as much money out of someone elses account at the atm using my atari and an ide cable

- falling off of really tall buildings doesn't hurt as long as i fall into a pool

- glass is just a barrier that i must ram my head through to get to the otherside, getting cut is not an option

- I can use a image from like a security camera and zoom it, and add more pixels to make a "clear" image

As soon as someone tells you about their wonderful family and how much they need and love them, you know that: a) the family will be brutally murdered in the otherwise peaceful home; b) the person in question will tragically trip over an otherwise flat piece of ground that everyone in front of him safely negotiated, and be dismembered in a gory fashion.

... and cue music score in minor key, along with slow-motion images of happy family at their last bbq.

A candle will light an entire room.

- anyone can land a burning plane with a bullet wounds in their arm, even on a 20m basketball court.

- when you go to a sporting event with 50,000 people in the stands it only takes about 3 seconds of scanning the crowd before you spot the bad guy.

- when you you put on glasses, a fake beard and wig you become completely unrecogniseable, even to your mother.

- cops eat donuts, drink soft drink and sit on their arse all day but are still ripped like a heavy weight boxer, have extremely hot wives, perfect children and a massive mansion in the burbs.

- There's always that moment, just before kissing where you're half looking in eachothers eyes, and half at eachother lips as if to assess that your technique is -just right-

last edited by Grosby at 20:36:01 29/Nov/04

- There are absolutely no repercussions from any damage you may cause to public property as a result of you fighting giant lizards.

actually didn't ghost busters break this rule? they owed the city something stupidly large (or so I think I heard them say in gb2)

- Car windshields are always spotless, and all cars have lights inside them that softly illuminate the driver's face.

I've seen some people wash their car quite frequently and as such their windows usually are clean. My interior light in my car is 21watts of incandescant j0r. Just one of it in the roof light is enough to light up the entire car inside (vr commodore wagon, yes it lights the wagon part too).

- when you you put on glasses, a fake beard and wig you become completely unrecogniseable, even to your mother.

change that to a wig, makeup a dress and stockings and your brother will want to f*** you. (sorority boys in case you haven't seen it). I'm pretty sure I could tell if my brother was the person in the dress standing a couple of feet in front of me in broad daylight.

here's mine.
-bullets don't hurt, you can get shot in the leg and still run like an olympian
-normal cars have bullet proof doors, roof, bonnet and boots and you can't get shot in the leg or any other part of your body through them. You have to get shot through the window. Even if the person shooting at you has that kickass minigun from predator.
-an alien capable of turning invisible and shooting plasma balls at you will disable such advantages just to have a fist fight with you in the jungle
-even when someone you just killed has a far superior weapon, you will leave it sit there on the ground and carry on with your pistol, even after you have just discovered you are out of ammo.
-it takes only a couple of seconds to take a grainy as hell picture of the back of someone's head and transform it into a perfectly clear view of their face reflected in someone's glasses opposite them.

will add more later maybe

this thread is tops

- You can get someones entire life story from the internet.

- When in a car chase you will always have trouble shooting the heads of the people in the car in front, try shooting the tires out as you will get them first go and cause the car to flip and explode.

- Also, remember cars always explode twice.

-an alien capable of turning invisible and shooting plasma balls at you will disable such advantages just to have a fist fight with you in the jungle

excellent.

In most cheese dick american action flicks, when the hero makes or main characters have sex they ALWAYS have a simultaneous orgasm!

yer rite, coknutz

- never mind the fact that you've just had the s*** beaten out of you and been shot at all day, it won't effect your sex drive at all. Wow i guess that bullet wound didn't hurt afterall.

In most cheese dick american action flicks, when the hero makes or main characters have sex they ALWAYS have a simultaneous orgasm!

yer rite, coknutz

Ever consider you might just suck at teh sexing?

hehe, there always enough energy for the rooting

- and as your darting out the alleyway in your high speed chase, you miss all the traffic flowing across your path, but the bad guys are noobs and don't have your skills, so they run into the bus and/or truck carrying water bottles, allowing you in your mustang with NOS button to outrun a pursuing helicopter in an oversized storm water drain, that even tho its wet and has corners, your dope fly ride can handle it, as well as the ultra megga car bridge jump that awaits you.

- As long as a dying person has something to say or do they'll live for ages after being shot. If they are a random bad guy they will die after being shot once.

I was waiting for the c*** to aquaplane but no.......

-you can get pistol whipped right in the face and get up without so much as a cut lip.

-the car will NOT f***ing start just when you need to get off the train tracks, or the axe weilding murderer is walking monotonously slowly towards you.

-if you're a security guard on an 'away mission' in ANY of the Star Trek series...you're dead meat.

Kenny dies in every episode of south park.

No he doesn't.

- cabs are all free to use

last edited by Astroboy at 04:50:25 30/Nov/04

- at night, all roads/streets in American movies are wet

- never mind the fact that you've just had the s*** beaten out of you and been shot at all day, it won't effect your sex drive at all. Wow i guess that bullet wound didn't hurt afterall.

wrong, in bad boys 2 cop gets shot in the ass, cant get it up affter that....well untill he "accidentaly" ingests some E's

last edited by Irhabi at 13:53:37 30/Nov/04

- Sound can indeed travel in vacuum space.

- Police station/LAB are decked out like it was from the pages of the latest house & furniture magazine they have the most impressive gagets and equipment. No ugly vertical blinds or crappy old tables and chairs in sight.

- The really evil and cunning "Master Minds" are usually either English or some other Europian nationals.

last edited by Opec at 15:26:01 30/Nov/04

- A la Blade 2, you are able to see UV light coming around a corner and dodge it by running fast and diving into a pool of water

WHY DO MOVIE COMPUTERS ALWAYS MAKE A "BEEP" SOUND EVERY TIME A LETTER IS TYPED ON SCREEN?

I've never come across a computer that does this.

Embedded devices typically do though.

- Just when you thought your partner was wasted they will magically find the strength to save you 20 minutes later as the bad guy is pointing a gun at you.

- If your are carrying a piece of metal in your pocket or wearing a crucifix it will always stop the only bullet that hits you.

In most cheese dick american action flicks, when the hero makes or main characters have sex they ALWAYS have a simultaneous orgasm!

haha yeah it would be good if it worked like that in real life.

-if you find yourself mortally wounded by an enemy sniper, be sure to let them know they are a 'f*****'

All high security control systems will have an easily accessible power plug/big red off button

Also, all bomb timers have a bug in them which turns the remaining 10 seconds left into well over 30 seconds, excluding Dialogue. The wiring is also easily accessible if the hero does not know the code.

In bomb situtations, the police will not simply shoot the man with the remote detonator even when less than 10 meters away; arresting them after killing hostages and/or fellow police is a much better option.

Great thread :D

This thread is awesome!#!@

- Whenever there is any drama, action, or life threatening instance, don't worry about eating or going to the toilet - you can go for days without these things!

- If someone ever laughs really evilly while you are pointing a gun at them, they are probably undead and will turn into a vampire after you shoot them.

if you hit a control pad hard enough, whatever it is controlling will inevitably work.

all water everywhere is as clear as springs in the New Zealand highlands and people can see perfectly without goggles.

-in the movies a silencer works on a revolver. ?

-You can drive at 100mph up a one way street and not hit anything, but go down a wharf and you'll cream every fruit stall/fish shop in sight.

- vampires are dumb, I mean hey they try to constantly kill a guy armed to the teeth with wooden stakes, crosses, garlic and holy water. Why not just fly away somewhere else?...its a big world.

- secret agents stick out like dogs balls.

- When in a popular night club, you can walk through alot of dancing people with ease & no one will ever bump into or spill a drink on you.

- When copying files from a bad mans computer, the progress bar will dramatically increase & take up the whole screen

- When in a popular night club, you can walk through alot of dancing people with ease & no one will ever bump into or spill a drink on you.

that is sooo true! :)

_another thing you'll notice is that a person can suffer horrific injuries, survive the worst environment and live long enough to promtly die the moment they start receving medical attention in a Hospital! BUT only just long enough to leave some weird cryptic clue about something or make peace with someone who's guts they have hated for years.

Any hot single chick you meet will live with a gay guy who's having problems with his boyfriend

r_Bazz_t stick to the movies dude, we don't want to know about your real life problems.

I agree .. keep that s*** to yourself

- Computers are turned on via the monitor and switch on instantly.

- Computer mice don't exist. Keyboard typing all the way.

- The more monitors you've got on your desk the faster you can hack the system - any system.

- Unix is primarily a real-time 3D GUI Operating System - even the actual file system.

- All good computer nerds are ugly and nerdy but the *really* clever/genius ones usually look like models.

- a guy and girl will meet, fall in love, have a fight and then get back together again...all in the space of one week.

- girls are very attractive and smart

- Most alien lifeforms from outer space/planets speak English fluently.

- People won't feel sus of you when they walk into the room and catch you quickly close your laptop hesitatively

- whenever a team is losing, it'll all come down to the last goal because they'll call a time out and all huddle around in a group and believe in each other, while the other team, normally a foot or more taller will be calling out threats and taunts.

- a 45kg woman who knows some kung-fu can knock out a 120kg professional boxer with one punch - unless the boxer is the hero. At that point repeated blows to his head with a lead pipe will only give him slight pause while he thinks up a snappy comeback line and then proceeds to take out a regiment of highly trained crack troops with his bare hands and pocket-knife.

- At the crux of a show-down, when 2 opponents, drenched in blood and torn clothing, are faced looking at each other, with a lack of breath, and both with a gun in their hands pointed at each other. $10 says both of them are out of bullets.

- CSI: when investigaing the crime scene nobody ever wear hair nets, body suits etc. etc. including the blondie in CSI Miami with her long flowing hair, yet they bitch about patrol cops "contaminating" thier crime scene.

awsome thread

-Arrows respawn in your quiver every 3 seconds
-The good guy when shot stays alive a while and talks a bit when the baddie is shot he is dead immediatley.
-If your small and have a frying pan you can take out dozens of orks

At the crux of a show-down, when 2 opponents, drenched in blood and torn clothing, are faced looking at each other, with a lack of breath, and both with a gun in their hands pointed at each other. $10 says both of them are out of bullets.

excellent work

also - movie heroes can be as buff and as ripped as you're ever likely to see, but during a movie set over the space of several months, they will neveronce go to the gym and concsistently guzzle beer and eat pizza yet remain in excellent shape.

Did someone mention CSI?

- Even though you are a lab scientist it will always be up to you to interview the suspects, get into gun fights and ultimately arrest the bad guy.

- people never acctually say goodbye in phone conversations.. they simply hangup

- Even when like soaking or wet....or even messed up hair....they always seem to be perfect in the next scene :\

spidz + thread delivers

im so drunk.

An alien capable of devastating the earth (if it gets here) is always defeatable by a single woman and her cat.

- When having hot wild sex with 2 model-like women, guys seem to be able to last an hour before being able to shoot his wad over both of their faces.

- when hacking into a computer you have to take out gun and missile turrets while flying thru the insides of the circuits.

more often than not, the bad guy will end up being related to the hero in some way.

casa: what sort of movies have you been watching?

Also:

- dragons

debbie does dallas

same sorta thing happened in girls interrupted though.

- CSI Miami: when asking the suspect questions; the lead actor must look away from the suspect while asking the question/s, then when he is about to finish what he has to say, look back at the suspect for a response.

- You can use a body of your enemy to shield yourself against powerful rifle/automatic weapons.

- Bad guys always shoot the bullets behind as you run to give you a nice sparking trails while you find a nice hiding place that you can do a summersult into.

last edited by Opec at 14:17:21 02/Dec/04

^^^ on that note:

- standard car doors are all armoured and can stop all types of bullets.

- tyres screech in a satisfying fashion when driving off or coming to a stop on all surfaces included grass, gravel, and ice.

- you will always sleep at opposite ends from eachother in big old mansions, never grouped together

-no one ever turns on the light. ever.

- shooting directly at the main charicter though the window will not kill them ... ever.

-barmen are always called 'Joe' and can produce whatever drink ordered in under 4 seconds with peanuts and a napkin.

-cab drivers are really good at high speed manouvers and always know the quickest way across town in a city of 25 million cars.

-Arab terrorists only know two words 'yalla' and 'imshi'.

-good guys with glocks never miss, but the bad guy with an uzi will hit every f***ing thing in the room, except the good guy.

:)

I'll be f***ed if Einsteins thread is gonna out live this.


:P

chicks with dicks is always a tough topic to beat.

-cab drivers are really good at high speed manouvers and always know the quickest way across town in a city of 25 million cars

dude, that's their job.