So, what have all you married folk done? Do you go big on both engagement and wedding? Did you hire a hall and buy a heap of piss and get some guy to bring out a pig on a spit and some veges? Did you do it at home with some marquees, a BBQ and a lot of beer? Did you hire a room at a trendy bar to have it?

We've got a pretty damn large invite list, I'm trying to weigh up options, if we do it ourself (at home, at a hired hall etc) it may well end up costing as much as paying a cost per head going to a bar.

Should you go kind of formal at a proper restaurant/pub for an engagement party or just casual at home with a bit of extra effort?

just have a bbq and make it byo ffs

Do yourself a favour and just elope. If I could do it again I woulda.

BBQ
1 Keg of Beer (From brews brothers, about $180 in total for the corona substitute "mexicana" and the keg hire)
Wine (greys online, $40 a 12 pack)
Friends
?
Profit (aka presents)

That's all we did, f*** going out to a pub or restaurant, I hate it when people do that for parties

bbq + byo, it's a f***ing celebration not an excuse for free piss.

bbq + byo, it's a f***ing celebration not an excuse for free piss.

However will we end up with 80 toasters if we expect people to bring their own s***? :D

have a really big engagement party, have it catered for food, you supply booze.

the morning of the party go to the registry office, get married.

during speeches at engagement party say "tricks! we got married already, this is the reception" then f*** off for a month with the money you saved and have a super kickass honeymoon holiday.

nothing

My sister's getting married next month. For their engagement party, her and her fiance hired out a room at the Gaythorne RSL (which was surprisingly really nice). They bought two big platters of food that were passed around to everyone, everyone bought their own drinks at the bar. Laptop with music set up and everyone just mingled. I thought it worked really well. They had a big engagement party so they could have a smaller wedding - i.e. people like work colleagues who they didn't necessarily want at their wedding, or relatives they aren't as close to, could come to the engagement party rather than the wedding. I think something like that, or a BBQ as others have suggested is the way to go.

sounds cheap minxy

they obviously didn't have a big list of people if 2 platters of food cut it

dunno how many you're planning, but for say 50 people:

couple of giant salads - $20 max
BBQ a stack of snags (cheap) - $20 max
provide some bread or bread rolls - $12 max

few cases of beer - $90
10 bottles of wine - $100
few cases of soft drinks - $40

However will we end up with 80 toasters if we expect people to bring their own s***? :D

What.

You don't get presents for an engagement you twat.

WTF?

I swear either Seinfeld or Curb did an episode on this... that is bloody ridiculous.

umm, yes you do get presents for an engagement...

Well f***, I would refuse.

That's some serious bulls*** right there, why the hell do you deserve presents for getting engaged?

haha chub

...

because it's meant to help you get your new life started with your ball and chain permanently handcuffed to both of your ankles?

Then what are wedding gifts? It seems like being a complete c*** and double dipping.

What happens if you don't get married? Do you return all the gifts?

The Engagement Party is traditionally there for people who can't/won't attend the wedding & reception. I had mine in a local hall, worked well.

The Engagement Party is traditionally there for people who can't/won't attend the wedding & reception.

Well I guess that seems fair, if people attending the wedding aren't required to gift 2 times for the exact same thing.

yeah that's a good point, it is double dipping hey

i've only been involved with 1 wedding and i was best man

i just gave them 1 present of cash, before the wedding. didn't bring anything to the engagement party

I didn't bring anything to an engagement party and I left before dessert.

We didn't. We think engagement parties are an excuse to double dip and found it way to 'look at us' on top of a wedding and that's not us.

edite: just read the read, looks like I am not the only one who considers them double dipping.

However will we end up with 80 toasters if we expect people to bring their own s***? :D

What.

There's usually speeches/toasts at engagement parties. There's usually a standard drink for that. If there wasn't, everybody that wanted to would get up and speak. Syco doesn't want that.

BYO Backyard BBQ, presents optional. We only got presies from close relos at engagement from memory.

If you're going to be fancy-pants get a couple cases of beer and some bottles of wine and if you're gonna go all out a keg and something on a spit.

If I was invited to an engagement party that was anything more than that I couldn't help but think it was ostentatious. I reckon an engagement party is a celebration about as big as a good birthday party (and not a big one like 21st, 50th etc).

I'm not really sure about using the engagement party as filler for people who don't make the cut for the wedding. We had the same crowd at our engagement as at our wedding, just no interstate people.

Didn't give it much thought TBH, when the time came to cut from the list to get it under 100 we just did it...

last edited by Hogfather at 09:28:26 27/Oct/09

Anyone heard of a gift registry? I only recently heard of this. It's where if you're having a party like this, you go to David Jones and give them a list of products that you want, and then refer your invited guests to David Jones, and they'll tell them what to buy. I realise it prevents duplicate gifts, but it's still really wierd.

If I was invited to an engagement party that was anything more than that I couldn't help but think it was ostentatious. I reckon an engagement party is a celebration about as big as a good birthday party (and not a big one like 21st, 50th etc).

I agree. That's how the one I've been to was organised. Just at bride's house, with their iTunes library providing the music.

Anyone heard of a gift registry?

You been living under a rock. They've been around for years.

Anyone heard of a gift registry? I only recently heard of this. It's where if you're having a party like this, you go to David Jones and give them a list of products that you want, and then refer your invited guests to David Jones, and they'll tell them what to buy. I realise it prevents duplicate gifts, but it's still really wierd.

I was blown away when I found out about that s***.

Somewhere along the lines it has morphed from gift giving to "you supply us what we want".

I would never be a part of a registry, I'll get what damn gift I want.

I would never be a part of a registry, I'll get what damn gift I want.

You can choose from the list you know. So it's not like choice has completely been removed from the equation.

People say its to avoid getting 12 toasters but that's a load of s***. Its a f***ing list of s*** you want. We've never bought anything from a Registry and never will.

We made it clear - especially to interstate visitors - that presents were optional at both the engagement party and wedding. We didn't get married and have a party to get people to give us s***.

About 2/3 of people gave us something anyway, mostly in the form of vouchers from myer and s***. This who gave us physical presents went to a fair bit of thought and effort and we didn't get any duplicates.

We didn't get one f***ing toaster or kettle and had to replace the kettle not long after we got back from the honeymoon ...

You can choose from the list you know. So it's not like choice has completely been removed from the equation.

That's not good enough, I wouldn't get anything off the list because it would be standard crap.

The whole concept of telling your guests what to buy you is bollocks.

Is this not a celebration? Seems like a shakedown for goodies.

Yeh I'm with my psycho young friend with the knife on this one.

f*** gift registries, they're a really s***ty practice that has a real chance of becoming a tradition. Have no doubt that they were invented by some c*** in retail marketing.

hahaha

We didn't have an engagement party, the timing with family traveling, us going away, etc meant we would have an engagement party 6 months after we got engaged and 6 months before we got married - seemed redundant.

But if we did go ahead with it, it would have been at the wifeys parents house, marquee, a keg and BBQ food. We wouldn't want gifts either partly because we had been living together for 7 years and partly because it's double dipping.

You don't have to pick from the registry, it's just a suggestion.
Gift registries aren't "you supply me with this stuff", they solve a few issues of when gifts are being given in large numbers:
- The 80 toasters problem
- "I have no idea what to get/what you want"
- "I don't have enough time for to go look for the perfect gift" IIRC in some stores they let you buy from the registry directly online

Also, gifts aren't a profit making enterprise. At an event such as a wedding or engagement part the host provides food & hospitality and the guests bring a gift to show their appreciation and to celebrate the event.
You don't have to bring a gift, although in doing so social etiquette is broken and I wouldn't expect too many future invites.

f*** gift registries, they're a really s***ty practice that has a real chance of becoming a tradition. Have no doubt that they were invented by some c*** in retail marketing.

If you go to a proper wedding, you are expected to bring a gift that is around the same value as the dinner/reception. In most cases this is $100 a head. When you invite 100 people to your wedding, you sure as hell don't want 100 people giving you useless s***.

However, engagement party gift registries are a bit over the top because generally the present you would bring to an engagement party isn't particularly expensive.

For our engagement party the folks hired some very basic catering (ie someone serving drinks and someone serving food) and paid for booze, held at their place. Was good fun.

registries are suggestions.

I for one love that people do them, provided they select lots of different stuff of different price ranges etc.

They're great because you don't have to worry about getting something they like or something they need - they've already effectively told you the stuff is stuff they like and/or need.

And there's no problem getting them something NOT on the registry, it's optional.

I don't mind the idea of a registry. I am pretty meh when it comes to presents, don't really care about receiving them and I am pretty hard to buy for. So everyone always hits up my gf for ideas - which she then asks me anyway. Most of my friends and family want to give me something, and giving money for a present is a bit lame. So unless I wanted millions of bottles of alcohol I need to provide ideas for people to choose from!

millions of bottles of alcohol sounds good to me!

these registries sound like the perfect lazy man's friend

last edited by paveway at 10:22:09 27/Oct/09

If you go to a proper wedding, you are expected to bring a gift that is around the same value as the dinner/reception. In most cases this is $100 a head. When you invite 100 people to your wedding, you sure as hell don't want 100 people giving you useless s***.

Haha you f***en cheap c***! Sorry mate but seriously...

We had 90 people at our wedding and didn't expect anything from them except for them to show up and have a good time. Many came interstate at personal expense. I think the reception cost us about 6 grand + band or something. We're in Cairns though so don't pay as much for s*** liek this as city suckers.

We were just glad to have so many people who wanted to wish us well. If you don't want to spend the money on the reception, you don't have to. Your logic seems to say that because you wanted to have a hundred people there at 100 bucks a head that they should pay for it?

Why not just make presents optional and charge a hundred bucks a ticket - because it would seem cheap?

lolcakes!

last edited by Hogfather at 10:39:58 27/Oct/09

We made it clear - especially to interstate visitors - that presents were optional at both the engagement party and wedding. We didn't get married and have a party to get people to give us s***.

Whats the point in getting married in tihs day and age given how acceptable defacto relationships are if it wasnt for the getting gifts aspect

Don't get me wrong, its clearly not the sole reason to get married, but its an incentive on top of the whole terrible ordeal that makes it a little sweeter.

its an incentive on top of the whole terrible ordeal that makes it a little sweeter

Marriage is not for you.

Getting married for the gifts is probably the worst reason I can think of, it even tops getting married because she's up the duff.

surely no one believes anyone would get married just for the gifts.
most people could afford better stuff if they didn't have a family, but I'll still take my family > toys

wtf these days doesnt just get cash at their wedding?

If you go to a proper wedding, you are expected to bring a gift that is around the same value as the dinner/reception. In most cases this is $100 a head. When you invite 100 people to your wedding, you sure as hell don't want 100 people giving you useless s***.

Heh, whether the gift matches the dollar value of the dinner/reception is irrelevant. A small, personalised/thoughtful gift that doesn't cost a whole lot can be so much nicer and last longer than an expensive kitchen appliance that will likely break in a year or two.

Matching dollar for dollar implies the next step is to hire a bean counter at the wedding to take notes like: Uncle Fred and Aunt Mary spent $X on the gift, subtracting $Y for the cost of their meal they better provide $Z worth of entertainment in their after dinner speech or they'll get an invoice in the mail...

I was blown away when I found out about that s***.

I learnt this off the simpsons when i was like 15. or 12. I don't know but bart uses the gun as a toy and racks up a bunch of gifts or something.

I've been around the block twice. The first time we had 2 engagment parties cause my ex-wifes family are in northern NSW and my family are in Vic, prolly 60-80 people at each. We made off like bandits from both, then we had a biggish wedding 90 guests and made off again.

The second time around it felt really strange getting married so I wanted to keep it pretty low key so we did a breakfast wedding and no engagement party......was an awesome way to go.

This whole wedding/marriage thing sounds like wayyy too much effort..

yeh sounds like too much hassle

Heh the toasters thing was just a joke, we don't expect gifts. So most people are voting self catered casual, was kind of leaning that way.

The Engagement Party is traditionally there for people who can't/won't attend the wedding & reception.

Marriage is not for you.

i wouldnt say that... i just dont like the idea of big dumb weddings.

Our plan is to get married at the registry office then have a party... i dont really care about gifts.. but if i was having a massive wedding and spending a f***ton of cash (which is something id never do) then id expect a f*** load of gifts as compensation for having a wedding in the fashion that i didnt want.

as for an engagement party, we were planning on just going out for a dinner and inviting who ever wanted to come, but we find the whole idea abit redundant. Well see.

we don't expect gifts

Bookmarking this thread for when I show up with no present.

if i was having a massive wedding and spending a f***ton of cash (which is something id never do) then id expect a f*** load of gifts as compensation for having a wedding in the fashion that i didnt want

That's logically inconsistent! You'd expect people you invite to your big wedding to pay for it because you didn't want to have it?!

As you mentioned, if you don't want to fork out for it don't have a big f***ing wedding. Expecting your guests to pay for your extravagance with extravagant gifts is a bit stupid.

The only people who win are the f***ing retailers & wedding industry who take ALL THE MONIES.

I think the reception cost us about 6 grand + band or something. We're in Cairns though so don't pay as much for s*** liek this as city suckers.

Most places in brissy for a 100 person wedding would be about $100 a head, if you want it on a saturday night.

It is getting more popular to bring cash but a lot of the oldies will refuse. But even after you say that you would prefer cash or something off the registry, people still bring whatever they want, which is fine by me.

But there are only so many platters/dinner plate sets/wine glasses that I need.

edit: These kinds of prices aren't particularly extravagant or particular to weddings, more just the standard price you would pay to hire out a venue with a sit down dinner for a large group.

last edited by Thundercracker at 12:21:07 27/Oct/09

anyone who thinks they are going to furnish their house from a engagement party/reception can go DIAF

f*** traditions. do what ever you n yur partner want to do... coz ya know you're gonna get roped into some lame-o traditional wedding down the track.

last two mates who had engagement parties were little house affairs. One with catered foods and one with BBQ. They were both pretty good. Save your money for the wedding/honeymoon or setting yourself up imo.

We invited 80 people. Close friends and family. People we actually wanted to invite not people we were told we had to or would get upset.

We told people that we just wanted them to rock up and have fun. They didn't need to buy us a gift and we don't believe in the 'buy a gift according to your meal' bs. We paid for the wedding we wanted because we wanted that wedding. It wasn't so we would get more back from our guests.

We ended up with gifts, vouchers, and cash. We only ended up with one double up present and it wasn't such a big deal to sell it on ebay.

Have a wedding because it represents you as a couple and invite people you want to be there because you want them to be apart of the day.

At least you're down to earth Kat.

I dont really think there's a need for an engagement party.
An anouncement at another event where a lot of your friends/family that would intend on inviting to the wedding would suffice.

But i'm a guy, so when it happens it's not really going to be my choice anyway...

Disagree - parties are awesome. More rather than less!

Haha I would love to go to a wedding and be told my present was not expensive enough. Would be the end of that f***ing wedding, and the couple, let me tell you.

thermite would be all pop a cap fo sho

I dont really think there's a need for an engagement party.
An anouncement at another event where a lot of your friends/family that would intend on inviting to the wedding would suffice.

But i'm a guy, so when it happens it's not really going to be my choice anyway...

What Hogfather said.

Also, I can't imagine a gathering that'd have even 10% of the people on the list we've started on.

Make a smaller list.
If you dont reguarly see/visit/hang out with 80+ % of the people you would like at your wedding, you're doing it wrong.

If your groups dont cross over, you could make the announcement 2-3 times without one sect bitching they wern'nt the privledged first ones to find out.

Well, we've got a nice hall booked. We're going to start it at 7ish so people will have probably eaten so will be serving hot and cold savories etc.

Just working out how much of what we should buy. I remember a friend said he allowed 6 beers per guest at his wedding reception and he had about 10 cartons left at the end of the night.

So how many is the right amount to allocate to each person (obviously there won't be a limit on who drinks what but as an overall amount to buy)?

in today's age i would go for half of that, probably 4 standards per person (combined between beer and wine). there will usually always be a designated drinker so that limits things a bit.

I remember a friend said he allowed 6 beers per guest at his wedding reception and he had about 10 cartons left at the end of the night.

Really? I normally estimate half a case per person

12 cans per person. shyeah right.

Syco - http://www.danmurphys.com.au/build-an-event-plan.html

The wedding industry is just that, an industry.

It's job is to convince young people that they need to do something and that it needs to be expensive.


Elope. You are getting married not impress family or friends. And if they feel so strongly about it tell them that if they want they can throw you a party.

Myers and DJs both do registries as do some companies that specialize in fleecing brides.

Yeah, but but Obes. For most people it's about the wedding and not the marriage. It's about how they look and not how they feel. They need to make such a song and dance about it so everyone cannot doubt their love.

DUH

Elope. You are getting married not impress family or friends. And if they feel so strongly about it tell them that if they want they can throw you a party.

Well, my old man offered to pay for the grog and food so they kind of are heh. I've got to work it all out and give him a price though.

I got another engagement party planning trip, don't make it 3 days after I get back from overseas@!%

I attended and engagement party last weekend.

The couple chose the option of a waterfront restaurant/bar. They did a beer and wine TAB.

It was a really nice venue and was really formal but you have to way up your options. If you can afford something fancy for the reception and engagement then do it. If you can't then just have it at home and put on some nice nibblies and drinks. Save you a ton of dosh.

Syco - http://www.danmurphys.com.au/build-an-event-plan.html

Thanks Kat!

Tiny, I've already got a venue booked now.

if i was only allocated 4 beers at a function, i would be upturning tables post haste

Yeah, but but Obes. For most people it's about the wedding and not the marriage. It's about how they look and not how they feel. They need to make such a song and dance about it so everyone cannot doubt their love.

yeah thats it, or maybe they just have different ideas, different taste, more friends/family and more money?

Maybe they are greek or jewish and have a massive tradition that goes back through generations, or maybe they just don't conform to Kat's opinions....


We had an engagement party that was essentially for people we knew couldn't make the wedding, or friends/family we weren't going to invite because we didn't want the wedding getting too big.

We actually had 2 x engagement parties, one in Brisbane for local friends/family and one in Melbourne for all my friends/family. We didn't expect people to fly interstate ust for an engagement party so we flew to them.

We had them both at our family homes and they cost bugger all.

I just like parties, any excuse for one is good :)