Hey folks,

As the married population of QGL ever increases, I thought I would pose a question.

Im a bridesmaid for my friends wedding in April, and so far I have been expected to pay for :
Fabric to make the bridesmaid dress - $235
Dress makes to make the dress - $150
Shoes - $150
Hair and makeup - $175

Add onto this the fact that we need to fly to Hobart, have been asked to stay there for 5 nights to help out - and the cost of my involvement/attendance is really starting to add up. And this doesnt include the costs for my partners flights and accomodation either.

Ive been involved in weddings where the bridesmaids are responsible for their dresses, but the fact that there are higher accomodation and travel costs, we thought we wouldnt just be expected to pay for everything. I love her to bits, and I will do what I need to without complaint, but Im a full time student and it got me thinking.

What did you guys do for your party?

elope

Your choice to have them in your bridal party, your responsibility to pay for it.

For my bridesmaid we paid for everything except the dress (she bought it and wouldn't let me pay for it :(). For the best man we brought everything but his shoes and belt. (and he kept the suit after it)


last edited by Kat at 12:56:21 14/Nov/08

Got them drunk.

I can't actually remember? The guys hired their own suits (I think?) and teh womanz I think paid for their dress but we paid for the make-up (some of them needed lots) and hair etc as the person came to the house where they were getting ready.

One brides maid came from Perth and they paid for their own airfares and accommodation etc, but they also made a holiday out of the journey over here so that was all good.

last edited by mission at 12:56:06 14/Nov/08

hhahahah are you JOKING

I was blown away when I found out how much some people spend on weddings. I'd shoot myself in the face before I asked anyone to pay for anything like that.

f*** THAT!
Did you HAVE to wear a specific dress? Rock up in ya nicest dress & shoes and that should be fine.....if the bride wants more then she can pay for it.
Particularly because you are flying to Hobart to do it! And helping out for 5 nights, and helping out!
I wouldn't be giving her no wedding gift either!
You would have had to work, what? 3-4 weeks to afford all of that? That's like 20hrs a week for 3-4 weeks! Just so you can stand next to the bride....and watch her say I do....
Weddings are a rort!

ps - It rocks being a guy! Hire a tux (which while isn't inexpensive, is a hell of a lot cheaper) and your done!

pps - /waits for marrying cousins in tasmania joke

last edited by Fireblood at 12:58:31 14/Nov/08

Hi GP
I disagree with Kat. It's an honour to be asked to be in a bridal party, and in appreciation the invitee should pay for their own clothes/shoes. That being said, what this person is asking of you sounds highly unreasonable, and knowing that, you should have said no if you can't afford it.

To support my point of view, my wife and i ensured we imposed as little as possible upon the bridal party, suit hire, non-expensive dress, just wear your best shoes, do your own makeup, hair ain't that expensive if you don't go over the top.

last edited by MrHardware at 13:00:06 14/Nov/08

Man what a rip off...

i would guess it depends on the affluence of the bride's family. if they are really poor then it might be a bit much to hope for... if they are totally rolling in the phat luut they prolly wouldn't mind so much.

turn up for the wedding rehearsal in a sack & say it was all you could afford then they'll have to shell out for new stuff... or sack you & get a richer bridesmaid :D

I disagree with Kat.

Kat, please quote in your sig to even it out.

We paid for bridesmaid dresses and the suits for the groomsmen. We mainly did it because we aren't f***wits. If you are having the big wedding, take responsibility and pay for it all. Trying to skimp on these areas probably saves you $1000 out of 20k.

Check the wedding central forums. My other half still lurks there. Lots of hilarious rant threads to be had.

f*** THAT!
Did you HAVE to wear a specific dress? Rock up in ya nicest dress & shoes and that should be fine.....if the bride wants more then she can pay for it.

you obviously haven't been to too many weddings, or seen many pictures...

all your brides maids will be dressed the same and same goes for the grooms men

lol 'rocking up in your best dress should do'

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v356/233/31/520523367/n520523367_1520088_2378.jpg

who is the man

the main question is .. are you hot?

Who the hell has 5 bridesmaids?

One of our groomsman flew up from Sydney the morning of the wedding (it was a morning wedding aswell).

He missed the first plane, then got another and arrived at the venue 5 minutes before the bride.

On top of that he'd been out the night before and hadn't been to bed. Straight from the club to the airport.

Looking good son, looking good.

our wedding we asked bridal parties to pay for the lot:

but we got married in the city where we lived, and had reasonably priced dresses and shoes

then we fed everyone and paid for their piss and ensured they had a good time;

id like to think everyone was happy;

I don't understand over the top weddings either, they just, to me, show blatant disregard for other people.

our wedding we asked bridal parties to pay for the lot:

but we got married in the city where we lived, and had reasonably priced dresses and shoes

then we fed everyone and paid for their piss and ensured they had a good time;

id like to think everyone was happy;

ditto.

I think that's excessive and the bride & groom should be offering to help out with costs.

a wedding i just went to had 9 bridesmaids, and no groomsmen;

it was super lowkey though, all the dresses made by grandma, i think the girls just paid for the material which was reasonably priced;

if the costs are too much, say so:

"look, im honoured to be your bridesmaid, but i cant afford all this s***"

Paveway I find men with receding hairlines sexy.

Instead of telling her "f*** off bitch I aint paying for all of that" to be nice just tell her that you can afford to pay for hair, makup, dress etc etc but being a student can't afford for airline tickets then tell her to enjoy the wedding, snap!

You mean ppl are still silly enough to get married ?

How about a refund policy where if they get divorced within 5 years that they have to refund your wedding expenses ?

What about that other wedding scam where they send out a list of things they want and ppl choose a gift for them from the list.

haha, black dresses for a wedding

also you'd be silly not to get a gift list, unless receipts are given as well some things would just get given away

last edited by Spock at 13:32:17 14/Nov/08

cash is the go at weddings in teh 21st century

lol 'rocking up in your best dress should do'

If the bride wants matching photos and s***, then she should pay for it herself! As if spend crazy amounts of money on a wedding, I'd much rather pay off a house....or buy an LCD

LCD lol

Cash or drugs at the wedding. Either will do.

ps spook, I bought an LCD you happy now?

GP - your friend is asking for too much and you shouldn't be paying that much for all of those things ESPECIALLY since you are flying & paying for accomodation. For a starters;

Fabric to make the bridesmaid dress - $235
Dress makes to make the dress - $150

If they want dressed made for a style they picked then they can pay for it. If it was a dress off a hanger at a trendy shop then I'd say the bridesmaid should pickup the tab since 95% of the time it can be re-used if it was done this way. We did this for the bridesmaids in our party and they were happy.

Shoes - $150

Depends on the shoes - if you would use them again then it's probably OK to cough it up. If it's only a once off for the wedding then the bridal party should pay. In saying that, $150 for shoes? What the f***?@! That's a rort.

Hair and makeup - $175

Again the price of this is a rort and you should shop around for a cheaper deal if you have to pay for it yourself.

So for our wedding we paid for most of the things when it came to the bridal party (2 bridesmaids + 2 grooms). The bridesmaids bought their own dresses and the boys rented their own suits. We paid for everything else (hair, makeup, accessories, etc) and the boys shoes (which we treated as a wedding present to them).

We paid for our wedding. And for everything involving our wedding. People shouldn't be put out because you have chosen to get married.

I don't agree with making people pay to be in your bridal party, and I don't care if "they would buy a new outfit for the wedding anyway" because you don't need a new outfit for every wedding you attend and You can look hot for very little money.

No one asks you to have 4+ bridesmaids.

Our bridal party was 4 people all up including us.

I wish weddings were still about the marriage :(

it's just total arrogance to expect people to pay for your wedding expenses.

anything they will be "keeping" they can pay for obviously (i.e. clothing (and no memories don't count)), but all services related to the day should be paid for the by the bride and groom.

it's not their wedding, it's the bride and groom's ffs.

you don't need a new outfit for every wedding you attend

Try telling that to 99.9% of females out there.

Going to a wedding would have to be the number one excuse for buying a new outfit.

Yes well, 99.9% of women need a reality check and just because that's what women do, doesn't mean it should be justified or accepted

Yeah thats another thing .. As soon as you mention anything is for a Wedding the price usually doubles.
I would suggest that the dressmaker/beautician fees etc are designed so that the bride gets a big discount by bringing all of her bridesmaids to the dressmaker/beauticians etc.

When you are travelling for a wedding the wedding couple should understand that your giving up a lot of your own time to join them. Actually making you pay to do that is quite selfish i think.
would they do that for you ?

harden up, ive flown to canada a few times for weddings... and not been in the grooms party. if you cant afford it, dont go.

last edited by mooby at 14:13:25 14/Nov/08

Yeah thats another thing .. As soon as you mention anything is for a Wedding the price usually doubles.

I would have to say this is either a common myth or people are just willing to accept the first price they stumble across. All the things we budgeted for, for our wedding, were budgeted at normal prices that you would pay in any other scenario. And it's still f***ing expensive.

edit: for a big style wedding

sifn't fly to Las Vegas

the cost of my involvement/attendance is really starting to add up.

You're getting scammed. My wedding, we payed for everything.

ps spook, I bought an LCD you happy now?

not as happy as you are i bet!

If they don't want to pay for any of it, don't bother flying down for 5 days. Just fly down for a day or two and don't help them out with the (true) excuse that it's too costly for you.

And I agree with Ticman's post about the value of alot of the items and who should pay.

Yeah TicMan, they wernt estimations, the prices listed are what its going to cost. Add $320 each for flights and $350 each for accomodation :(

I love her and I am honored to be part of their day, but my bank account isnt :(

I havent been a bridesmaid before, I was wondering how normal this scenario is, I guess not really...

I find it hard to believe that Kathleen is married.

This is a joke right Kathleen?

I figure if you are asking someone to do you a favour by being in your wedding, you should cover the costs of their involvement. My sister was in the same situation a few months ago. She was asked to be a bridesmaid for her friend in Canberra and was expected to pay for her dress + alteration, her shoes + a 2nd pair of shoes because one of the other girls missed out on getting the same ones, so then my sister was expected to buy a new pair instead. She was also asked by the bride to fly to Canberra 4 times before the wedding, would not pick her up from the airport or provide any accommodation for any of these times etc. So in the end my sister said she'd had enough and was sick of spending ridiculous amounts of money and having to use up her annual leave in order to keep flying to Canberra, so she pulled out of the wedding and gave her bridesmaid gift to the bride as her wedding gift.

Are they still good friends?

I think the main reason my sister decided to pull out was that they hadn't really seen each other in a few years since her friend moved to Canberra. My sister had no idea what she was getting herself into at the time. I'm sure if she know how much money and time it was going to cost her that she wouldn't have agreed in the first place. I think that I would definitely pay the costs of my bridal party, unless they offered to pitch in for something like the shoes or dress if they wanted to be able to wear them again etc. Which I think is fair enough then. But otherwise I would figure that it's my wedding, so it's my expense.

I am still flabbergasted that people getting married would ask someone else to pay money, and not insignificant amounts of same. Like, literally stunned. It never even crossed my mind that would be a possibility. Obviously I don't go to a lot of weddings.

ive got my 4th one in 6 weeks on tomorrow!

hooray for free(ish) booze and food

I think it's all based around what is 'reasonable'. Nearly a 2 grand cost for one person in a bridal party is extremely exessive and i would not class it as reasonable.
One or two hundred for suit hire or a dress? Reasonable.

I had one best man and my mrs had one bridesmaid, for many reasons. Organisation, cost, and if we wanted more, we'd both be stepping into that 'next circle' of friends, of which both of us have about 6 or 7 people in. So I just stuck with my true 'best man', her with her best friend and that was it.

sifn't fly to Las Vegas

obes wins.

last edited by mooby at 16:51:18 14/Nov/08

hey trog, a sucker is born everyday.

I was a bridesmaid for the first time this year for one of my best friends. I paid for my dress, and flights to SA for the wedding, and accommodation for the 4 nights I was there. She had 4 bridesmaids, and we all paid for our own dresses and shoes (I already had the right shoes though!). We were able to chose a dress to suit ourselves, so we could spend as much or as little as we wanted. Hair and makeup was paid for by the bride. This easily cost me over $1000 but I didn't even think twice about it - she's my best friend, and it was a bloody great 4 day party! And I drank my fair share of their booze to make up at least some of the expenditure ;)

I'm in the groom's party at a wedding tomorrow, where the couple have paid for our suit hire. Obviously we bring our own shoes, etc, but the ties and stuff were made especially to match the bridesmaids' dresses. We are paying for our own hotel room, and the two of us in the groom's party have paid to fly back from England for it. But we have both turned it into a holiday as well, so everything seems very fair. Not sure what the bridesmaids are doing cost wise, but I think what you have been asked to pay for is a little over the top. I think if they ask you to be in a wedding party and it requires you to travel, you should get your travel costs/accom paid for, and maybe just pay for clothes instead.

Trog couldn't have said my thoughts better.

u guys have lots of ugly friends that will never find life partners eh?

u guys have lots of ugly friends that will never find life misery eh?

i guess...

i think you are doing it wrong infi
marriage = spook moar likely to be norty coz its harder to get rid of me

are you drunk cos that made absolutely no sense

yes :_)

paveway's picture looks more like a funeral with everyone dressed in black.

If they cant afford to pay for that s*** maybe they should marry when they can afford it.

well paveway is a living funeral

Or, and this might sound strange to some of you, don't spend so much money at a wedding. It doesn't have to be expensive.

You should spend what you can afford, so funny seeing people spend more than they can afford. People like that have caused the current credit crisis.

We paid for everything at our wedding. Then again we could afford to do so because we went with nice but not over the top stupid.

A) Bride got a sweet deal for her dress and 4 bridesmaid dresses.
B) We are paying for anyones flight that is extraordinary
c) we negotiated a sweet deal with Radison Resort where we booked out a whole wing for family and guests half price.

Hopefully she only gets married once!!!

it has always been my understanding that the brides father pays for the wedding. i guess not...

hells yeah!

our bridal party paid for their stuffs, but my best man and groomsmen didn't have to buy much. In fact I don't think they bought anything much at all. I just told them to wear a dark suit and a white shirt, and they went out and bought matching ties themselves.

I bought them all some nice cufflinks as a thanks, that probably cost more than their outlay anyway!

The birds had to buy their dresses I think, but the mrs let them wear whatever shoes and jewellery they wanted. But she controlled that aspect by buying them all a matching necklace and bracelet as a thanks!

really, the whole thing is a bit rich. GP designed the bridesmaids dresses and now has to pay to get hers made. and flights and accommodation are a not inconsiderable expense.

The birds had to buy their dresses I think, but the mrs let them wear whatever shoes and jewellery they wanted. But she controlled that aspect by buying them all a matching necklace and bracelet as a thanks!

LOL, that's very clever.

A) Bride got a sweet deal for her dress and 4 bridesmaid dresses.
B) We are paying for anyones flight that is extraordinary
c) we negotiated a sweet deal with Radison Resort where we booked out a whole wing for family and guests half price.

Also, in relation to ATHLETech's post...

A) Be smart about it - careful who you use the word "wedding" around - you've got to play the game.

B) If she NEEDS you down in Tasmania for 5 days, she should pay for half the cost.

C) That's awesome about the deal with Radison Resort. Again, gotta be smart about things!

Also Minxy, sounds like your sister didn't need a fairweather friend like that (might have been different if she had remained close and was a best friend) and Paveway, what's with all the black dresses at a WEDDING?!


last edited by Agent 99 at 12:18:29 15/Nov/08

Guy wear black, what's so wrong with the girls doing it?

Guy wear black, what's so wrong with the girls doing it?

If you're going out to bury Grandma right after the wedding, nothing.

weddings are a religious ceremony and black at a religious ceremony = death