It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending
the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress ?
sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large,
silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped
on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunted and
pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the
pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He
suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her
lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even
more excited making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a
little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars
down. "Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.

This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then
the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her
in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

Then he said, "Now, tell him you have a headache."

Haha!!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/Se7eNdUsT/Raped.jpg

lol

hahahahaha. joke & image.

hahaha

nice :D

This guy comes home one day from work screaming and cheering and says "pack your bags baby, i just won the lottery all $10 000 000 of it. His wife says "wooohoooo what should i pack for the beach or the mountains honey?"

He says "I dont realy care just f*** off"

lolz all round

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their
local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them,
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed
the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer,

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here
are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I
take a look?

I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction
of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see
right in the window.

Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!!

Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked,
too!!! The b__ch!"

He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull
the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the
mouth."

"Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his d__k off to
teach him a lesson."

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a
few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a
grand here....."


Props to Zelph

lol nice

hahaha thats good

lols for everyone! i dont care just f*** off hahaha

rofl @ xy's joke

xy wins

lolz all round..

hahaha all funny :D

lols at xy's

Did you hear Whoopi Goldberg is getting married to Peter Cushion?

BUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNG

Gimpy and Imperials ftw

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches

I've been having all these years?  Well, they're gone."
 
"No more headaches?"  the husband asks, "What happened?"
 
His wife replies,  "Margie referred me to a hypnotist.  He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.'  It worked! The headaches are all gone."
 
The husband replies,  "Well, that is wonderful."
 
His wife then says,  "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years.  Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"  The husband agrees to try it.
 
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.  He puts her on the bed and says,  "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
 
His wife says,  "Boy, that was wonderful!"
 
The husband says,  "Don't move! I will be right back."
 
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
 
Her husband again says,  "Don't move, I'll be right back."
 
With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,  "She's not my wife.  She's not my wife. She's not my wife!
 
 
 His funeral service will be held on Monday.

Ahahahahahahah!!! Gold!

His funeral service will be held on Monday.

That line was completely unnecessary and ruined the joke, probably added on by some lesbian feminist bitch.

Yes because all women that may have been offended by their husband pretending theyre someone else to sleep with them would be feminists and lesbians, and bitches.

Yes because all women that may have been offended by their husband pretending theyre someone else to sleep with them would be feminists and lesbians, and bitches.

stfu feminist bitch.