I'm sure everyone here has experiences with rape (not literally you sick f***). I'm going through a similar situation with a significant other........so yeah I'd appreciate any words or wisdom or sympathy. Thanks.

How has she dealt with it? How much does it effect her everyday life?

All you need to know is that you can't fix it. It is in the nature of man to do so but it is impossible.

Counselling?

i wrote a letter to a chick once that i knew and she said it really helped. etc.

What? I don't get it... but anyway -

Start paying attention, actively listen?
She/He is your S/O, you should know what you can/can't say and in what way, best?

I wouldn't listen to a s*** thing anybody on here says on the situation regarding any "wise words" to tell her etc that might pop up.
Different people experience things their own way and feel differently about them.
You're on your own on this one, there is no universal magical words of wisdom that's going to make it better.

And basically what eK said, you need to consider her getting counselling if you can't help.

The only "advice" I can offer you is only a general assumption at best:
She's not really asking you for a magical solution for her to feel better or in some way to "fix" it, she just wants to be able to express how she feels and have someone who cares listen, and actively offer some guidance through her own thoughts.

People need to deal with their s*** on their own, counselling is merely trying to talk someone through their own thoughts and emotions, guiding them towards actually understanding and accepting it and putting it behind them.

Counselling is really broad, they ask very broad open-ended questions that allow people to simply express how they feel (then just bulls*** on "how did that make you feel - why did it make you feel that way etc.)
By expressing it, it can be thought through, become clearer and dealt with...

If you can be GENUINE about the counsellor role, give it a go [remember, you have a relationship with the person, they might not appreciate counselling from you and just want you to listen etc. as I said, you know them best].
If you can't, hand it over to someone who can.


last edited by Loki at 23:10:20 18/May/06

Wow decent replies. ZomG (jokes thanks everyone).

I don't really feel like giving much detail cause I feel like I'd be betraying her trust. But it's really hard just keeping it between her and a couple others so I came here for some anonymity and advice. You're all smart people and I'm sure you can assume a basic scenario of what happened.

I'm just scared she's pregnant (no condom) or contracted an STD. Not to mention the fact we were true to each other....not that she had a choice but...f***. Sorry just whinging to the cold heartless interweb.

I'd say the best thing you can do is not take something like that, which you would naturally assume to be very serious, at face value. Also, remember that different women have varying definitions of rape.
I'd try to find out more and understand why she felt the need to tell you, before feeling you need to do anything about it.

I'd try to find out more and understand why she felt the need to tell you, before feeling you need to do anything about it.

Yep, this is why I said don't take on the counselling role cause it might not be what she wants from you (she might just want someone to listen without being pushed to explain how she feels about things etc.).

Goodluck!

last edited by Loki at 23:33:25 18/May/06

I'm so f***ed from this.

f*** this thread I'm not going to post anymore in this. Thanks to everyone so far though.

gol, best of fortune with it to both of you

Good idea, I think the circumstances are too easily misinterpreted. FYI, deleting your original post should delete the thread.

^ Agreed, best to delete if worried about privacy.

Only one last thing I could possible suggest is try not to over burden yourself with responsibility.
I can imagine you're lost for words and don't know what to say and probably pretty angry that it happened to someone you care about/love, be patient with her - she's going to be going through alot of emotions - Denial, Anger and Depression before Acceptance. Not necessarily in any particular order and she may go through those stages more than once, bounce from one to other, feel one way longer than the other or may not even necessarily go through them all.

You yourself, having to deal it all, might go through some of those stages.

Patience and as much as all of this may hurt you (through feeling responsible for not being able to prevent it - or for the responsibility you feel to "fix it" and so on), try to remember that she has to live with the experience itself, it's about her, for her - try to work out how she's feeling; It'll make a big difference to how you approach it and be less frustrating for you if you can expect how she might react in conversation etc.

Not sure if any of this makes much sense to you, it's difficult to explain in words - it's a skill you learn.
You gotta take care of yourself and her emotionally.

Best of Luck!

last edited by Loki at 00:20:37 19/May/06

rape them back

rape is a basic human right?

f*** this thread I'm not going to post anymore in this.

Ok, thread over.

http://easybakejews.com/macrochan/osource/AS4XIFXOAEWHM42MJS22ZXQFBP5D2BBA.jpg

How has she dealt with it?

Guys get raped too you dick

Guys get raped too you dick

Abo: GIVE ME SOMETHING *KAPOW*
Khel: I don't f***ing have anything! Except my anal virginity, oh wait!

Guys get raped too you dick

I thought gol was a male and whilst I started witht he his/her thing with the powers of the anonymous internet, I just concluded it was a heterosexual relationship since I thought gol was male :)

Loki my post was to Kat. But since you replied, you shouldn't assume all men on this forum are heterosexual

:P

I assumed they were all homosexual

I assumed they were all homosexual

That explains why you're still here.

clare: You shouldn't assume I wasn't talking to the person through another medium other than the forum =]

But in saying that, if you read my first post i didn't discard it, but i got sick of playing correctness and typing him/her.

Since it's a "private and anonymous" story we're working with here, I'll hypothetically give them whatever gender I want =]

So yeah, it's not about assuming rather than giving otherwise traitless characts, traits to simplify things.
DO WE AGREE ? *nods* =]

Damn i'm tired, so i dont care if im not making sense :P

That explains why you're still here.

You too, f*****.

You too, f*****.

Whoa, easy there fella.

haha typo :)

Loki: you should use the 3rd person instead - they, them, etc ;)

I work for a charity that deals with sexual abuse of children. And we have many contacts that would be able to offer help in this case. If you need any let me know, it is a horrible situation for her to be in. You are in a bumpy ride, but she will need you dude.

heh, evis got owned.

no means yes

I would have thought that posting on the internet would be breaking their trust? I think you should not create a public debate about soemone specific in your life, because as far removed as they may be, they probably can be identified.

Obviously their trust has already been massively destroyed when the crime was committed. I don't know the full situation so maybe she (I assume it's a she) openly talks about it as part of her counselling, but everytime you talk about it with someone, just ask yourself if the victim would care if that person knows about it.

Guys get raped too

is that why aer isnt around? what'd you do to him?!#

From experience (not myself) I know that the aftermath of something like this can be what takes its tole. Im originally from a relatively small coastal town. A few years ago my best friend was raped by some one who was close to all of us, it was her ex of a few years back, her current boyfriends mate, someone I myself had known since we were 11 or so.

With the small town mantality and a large, close-knit group of friends this whole situation just got out of control. Forget the betrayal and violation of the actual rape itself, but the social repercussions were insane. There was a big divide socially, fights every weekend, and alot of friendships detroyed. Problems many people are still experiencing.

Its hard to know what advice to give without knowing the situation, but I guess my point is rape is obviously very damaging to someone, but it can affect areas of their life that you might not even consider, so keep open minded about what their worried about. Their trust can be shattered and make them skeptical of so many aspects of their lives.

The best you can do is lend a sypathetic ear, be there for support and provide reassurance if and when its needed.

The best you can do is lend a sypathetic ear, be there for support and provide reassurance if and when its needed.

i second that.

Counselling?

I second this. But I'd add "Professional" in front of Counselling. I'm sure there are help group that you can find. Don't try to do this yourself, you might make the situation worst.

QUT at Carseldine run a counselling clinic for reduced rates - call them and discuss arranging an appointment for your partner. The people that do the counselling are students but they are registered psychologists doing their Masters degrees or Doctorates. The quality is excellent and I know they are quite capable of doing the job (my gf worked there while studying her Masters of Counselling).

The best way you can help her is to have her talk to a professional counseller. Although you are probably her closest friend / most loved one / etc - this will not beat having someone professionally trained who is (most importantly) emotionally removed from her and her situation. They spend years at Uni/Internships/Clinics/Hospitals learning how they can best assist other people in coping with their issues.

This is not an event in her life that can simply be overlooked, "gotten over" or one which time will heal the wounds on - give her the best advice possible and get her to see a counsellor.

Guys get raped too you dick

What has that got to do with anything? It was clear that it was about HIS SO, which means it is a chick.

he could be a homosexual...not that there is anything wrong with that

What does you saying 'what does that got to do with anything' got to do with anything?

Loki: you should use the 3rd person instead - they, them, etc ;)

Is it really relevant though?
I mean, for all intents and purposes due to the anonymity of this post and the wishes of the poster to remain anonymous, I think it's fair enough for people to give the people involved genders or even names as they see fit.

I mean, I could have assumed it was a male-male or female-female relationship all the same, it would make no difference to what people say (actually, this is QGL so it probably would - but it shouldn't).

----

OT though - I wouldn't push her to get counselling like some people are suggesting unless she thinks it will help. (She isn't going to go or respond to it very well unless she thinks it will help anyway).

Not everybodies opinions seems to keep this in mind - just remember that everybody is different - some people can actually deal with something like this by themselves with some support from family/friends without the need for external professional help.

It's been said a few times on here from some people (dais/captivate) which is sound advice. And that is that you need to assess the situation, her feelings and you have to decide what's best for her and recommend it; but ultimately that final decision is hers to make and hers alone.

last edited by Loki at 11:45:49 19/May/06

This is definately not a subject I wish to get into a debate about - because since I didn't say Y I obviously meant that it doesn't happen, or defending my comments to some moron who can't see the seriousness of this issue and stay away.

Good luck Gol

I didn't delete this thread because I have such a bare amount of information to begin with that I don't feel like I'm doing the wrong thing with respect to her.

And there have been some really helpful posts here. Thanks. They help more than you could know. So thanks again.

You should delete it if you think the person could wonder he by accident, read the thread, and know it's about them.

is that why aer isnt around? what'd you do to him?!

That's 'compliant', not rape :P

He's still on irc :)

You mean he's idle and logging on irc.

You mean cos he actually leaves his house? How uncool! :P

Leaving the house has nothing to do with it... he's idle even when he is there!
ps. the fact he is logging it suggest he wishes he was on it thus defeating your cool arguement.
pps. I haven't been home in almost 2 weeks ? does that make me cool ?

Really? I thought incessant logging implied paranoia

Yes, I know you have a life too. Not sure that makes you "cool" tho >:)

Well no point logging for paranoia ... all the aer bagging happens in the secret anti aer channel

sssh, don't say that! what if he reads this?!

Can we change the topic please? It's a bit confronting to have to see the word rape on the front page of the forums ... perhaps we could change it to Topic: Dealing with surprise sex

http://users.on.net/~jcbarrett/adam/superwrong.png

I got raped once.

17 deaths to 4 kills on Militia.

I eventually got over it.

I got raped once.

17 deaths to 4 kills on Militia.

I eventually got over it.

I ate Jim's pineapple in DM4 :(

hahahahah

fag·ot also fag·got ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fgt)
n.
A bundle of twigs, sticks, or branches bound together.
A bundle of pieces of iron or steel to be welded or hammered into bars.

tr.v. fag·ot·ed, also fag·got·ed fag·ot·ing, fag·got·ing fag·ots, fag·gots
To bind into a fagot; bundle.
To decorate with fagoting.

^ phag

Can we change the topic please? It's a bit confronting to have to see the word rape on the front page of the forums ... perhaps we could change it to Topic: Dealing with surprise sex

hahahahahaha..indeed

There are a number of rape counselling options; I would try calling Family Planning Queensland and Relationships Australia for suggestions as a start. Best thing is to be supportive, make sure they don't feel responsible for it and help them to help themselves.