heres some more random sayings and things for you.......

I will live forever or die trying!
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can't have everything....where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the
words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we
are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the
unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Constant change is here to stay.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Banks will loan you money, if you can prove you don't need it.
If you don't like the way I drive - get off the sidewalk.

Thing 2 do in shops: Get boxes of condoms and randomly put then in peoples trolleys when they arent looking
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the restrooms
Walk up to a a store employee and tell him/her in an official voice "I think we have a code 3 in Hardware
Put m&m's on laybye
Move 'caution wet floor' signs to carpeted areas
Set up a tent in the sporting section; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from manchester
Dart around the store suspiciously humming the "Mission Impossible" theme
When someone asks if they can help you, start crying and ask "Why wont people leave me alone?"
Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror
While handling guns in the toy section, ask the sale person if they come with a prescription for anti-depressants
In the Auto Department practise your MAdonna look by using different sized funnels
Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, jump out and yell "PICK ME"
When an announcement comes over the P.A. system, assume the foetal position and scream "Not the voices again!"
Go into the fitting room and call out loudly "Hey there's no toilet paper in here"

♥ωαт2 ∂σ ιи αи єℓєναтσя ♥




only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasnt u!

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones

Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

Hold the doors open say your waitin4 a mate.After holding the door for a while, let the doors close, and say "Hi Bob how u been"

Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency exits

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror "YOUR ONE OF THEM" and back away slowly

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then say calmly "I have new socks on" and smile slightly



Freak your parents out: 1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Run into walls
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.
9. In public yell, "No Mum/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"
10. Do what they actually tell you
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.
13. At everything they say yell, Liar.
14. Try to swim in the floor.
15. Tap on their door all night.

can you summarise with pixtures for me plz?

Thanks for the jokes cl1t

Anyone else attending Cl1nt's funeral next week?

I too demand a one paragraph summary.

ps: the paragraph must be 30 words or less.

last edited by mission at 20:35:51 10/Feb/06

stop calling me that dopefish

Here c|1ty c|1ty c|1ty, come on, cooome on c|1ty, awww c|1ty shoo cute, yes you are, yesssss you are, yessss you are c|1ty, yes you are, aww c|1ty c|1ty

f*** off and die, n00b

that was PRETTY FUNNEH. DIE!

when's his funeral hehe

I'm sure I would have laughed if I read those.

Summarised pictures for spook:

http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/02.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/03.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/04.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/05.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/07.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/08.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/09.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/10.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/11.jpg
http://members.iinet.net.au/~namatanai/spoot/12.jpg

too intoxicated to read
but i sure can look :o

red heads <3

f*** this thread went from terrible to amazing.

mad props to resonate

Thread saved.

Even the most doomed threads can be saved with abit of love =)

nice thread resonate

not very funny, but very sexy
good jokes clint!

Resonate needs more threads!

Some jokes made me giggle a little. BTW, you have dupes in there Clint

dupes? call me n00b (or rather, don't) but please explain.

newb.

Some of the jokes were repeated.

ohhhh....duplicates, right i gotya now. silly me...

gold coast represent

how old are you clint?

is ur nick clint or dint?

how about using CL|NT !?!?!

oh wait, that spells c***

im 15. and i use Cl1nt. it actually looks readable in some fonts but in others its just crapola

can someone ban clint so we never have to see such homosexuality in one thread again?

can someone mod Resonate on the grounds he posts more spoot?

resonate saves the thread!

Then ban typo for being you're usual QGL c*** to newbies.

I pity you fools that can't read posts of more than 5 words

I pity you fools that......sorry, I lost it after that.

Then ban typo for being you're usual QGL c*** to newbies.

Swing and a miss! :P

Then ban typo for being you're usual QGL c*** to newbies.

Hah, awesome job; you need to that try again, but this time get your mum to proof read for you.

hehe

is ur nick clint or dint?

why would Cl = D?

from which leet speak class did you graduate from foo?