"Doctor, I've got this problem," a man says.

"My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. and before I leave work at the end of the day, she really works me over."

"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, you see, my wife is also nymphomaniac," the man continued.
"I service her every morning when we get up. I go home for a quick half hour everyday at lunchtime and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep."

"I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.
"You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."

SO
SO
SO
SO
OLD

I have no shame in saying that I don't get it.

I'm guessing he's thinking of them both?

parabol's joke wins.

nice hermi nice!

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "Then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE f***ING DEAD!"

An Amusing Word to the Wise

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need ... a new suit. That'll make me feel a little better."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit ...
it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised. "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."

The salesman said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit -- $400
New shirt -- $36
New underwear -- $6
Second Opinion -- PRICELESS

hahaha well done hermitech.