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Author
Topic: i hate cats
Spook
Posts: 16760
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
yer, thats right
dud animals

ok, heres the thing

a neighbourhood cat is obsessed with our house

we come home from work, its under the stairs

i come downstairs, its out the front

i go to get in my car, theres little paw prints and cat hair on my car
thats just not on

we've talked to the cats owner and even he admitted "its a trouble cat"
it never stays home, is always wandering the streets

i dont want this cat in/near my house/car

how do i keep it away? (legally, well, maybe a little bit of pain for the cat will teach it not to hang out at my place)

is there something i can buy and sprinkle around to keep it away?

suggest me something, now
system
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Zombie
Posts: 460
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
Piss on it. Then its yours, and you can then instruct it to f*** off and never come back.
Nailbomb
Posts: 1972
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
i've heard of people sprinkling pepper on their gardens as they say it repels cats but i don't know if this is an urban myth or not... maybe mythbusters have done an ep on it :)
eK
Posts: 9955
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
i go to get in my car, theres little paw prints and cat hair on my car
Yup i'm feeling ya spook, little f***ing bastards are on both sides of my house, and my car seems to be a crossroad for them. Red mud + White Car + Pawprints = f***ing Annoying....
My Cock
Posts: 3454
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
get the hose out
infi
Posts: 4242
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
nothing better than a shaved pussy
d[o_0]b
Posts: 1100
Location: Brisbane, Queensland

spooks afraid of the pussy
GumbyNoTalent
Posts: 6206
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Spook ole son there is a really simple awnser to the problem that unfortunately doesn't involve death to the cat or sex with it! Arrrrrrr these be strange times...

1. get a squirt bottle, one that fans out...
2. fill with water...
3. 6 small red chillies the really toxic type...
4. cut them up seeds and all place in water for a few days...

You can use more chillies if you want, you want that deep burn.

5. befriend cat...
6. grab tail lift and squirt up the arse...
7. squirt as much as you can before cat runs away..
8 if cat returns export back to Mexico...

Don't squirt the little bastard in the face or eyes, best to do it all over the body and anus. When cat grooming self after being chased off will get chilli burn on very sensative toungue, learned experience will keep cat away...

NB personally the best thing for detering cats is to by a Bull Terrier, they are extremely territorial and good with kids, just be sure to make it clear you are the alpha. Then anything that enters the yard will become dinner/lunch or breakfast depending on the time of day.
Booyah
Posts: 6505
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
As you're coming home in your car drift over it into the driveway.

http://blogged.the-protagonist.net/images/puss-in-boots1.jpg
ara
Posts: 810
Location: Sydney, New South Wales

and good with kids


you mean at eating them?
GumbyNoTalent
Posts: 6207
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Bull Terrier not pit bull... *shakes head*

Pig Dogs are only agressive when taught incorrectly, just like every other dog. I've owned a Bull Terrier for 14 years and he spent most of his time around childern, very gentle, but if you where a cat, dog or anything in his yard that wasn't a human, you became a meal.

Staffies and Bullies are awesome dogs that enjoy the company of humans more than other dogs, ther are loyal and teritorial. The only time they become a problem (like most dogs) is when people stop treating them like a dog and more as a equal, like all pack animals it good to the alpha!
TicMan
Posts: 1037
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
Don't squirt water, scare it, point the hose at it or *ANYTHING* if the cat is on your car. As it scrambles and tries to get away it will scratch the f*** out of your paintwork.

The best thing to do is trap it or call the RSCPA/Council pet control and get them to round it up and take it away. If your level of c***ness is low, you can tell the neighbour that if the cat is at your house then you will call the council - otherwise just do it.

All councils have policies regarding pet ownership and if people aren't prepared to be responsible then they can suffer the consequences.
infi
Posts: 4244
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
Staffies and Bullies are awesome dogs that enjoy the company of humans more than other dogs, ther are loyal and teritorial.


kat will tell you all about it.
StreX
Posts: 5275
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
haha gumby that rocks. i am gonna brew myself a bottle for general purpose f***head repellant (especially for those invasive religious types).

and yes, cats f***ing suck.
GumbyNoTalent
Posts: 6209
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Did you forget the befriend cat step TicMan, this allows you to lure cat off car, but based on the fact that in Spook's post he said he already spoken to the owner and the cat is usually under stair when he gets home, that would be the best time to do it. Plus is not just water, and cats groom all the time, it works... :) MUhahaha MUhahahaha MUhahaha...
demon
Posts: 2363
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
yeh i had similar problems spook... i hate cats... fukn parasites!

i addressed two seperate problems i had with the same cat. first it would come up to my back door & make a racket & leave it's stink & fur while i was cooking my dinner. solution was to bang a spoon against the door to get it's attention & then blow a handfull of pepper under the door into it's face. did this once & it never came back to my door.
second problem was it leaving muddy tracks on my car when it was wet & the cat wanted to warm itself on my car. solution was to install a motion detector light & connect the circuit to an electric buzzer so that when it detected motion the light would come on with a short angry buzz from the buzzer. i left it like that for about 2weeks & then removed the buzzer as the cat had got the message & the buzzer could get annoying late at night.

my first preference would have been to gas the cat & bury it in a shallow grave but my nieghbour loves her cats & i prefer to keep good neighbourly relations than indulge my desires to kill parasites. :D
Splash
Posts: 2404
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
don't blame the cats, blame the irresponsible owners that don't keep them under control
z0r
Posts: 1499
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
there is actually a substance you can buy called catgone. usually used to make sure they don't s*** in your flowerbeds and such, just sprinkle it around your fence. they don't like the smell or something.
Hashy
Posts: 3456
Location: Netherlands
This thread is now about posting pictures of cats

http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/8892/catwallpaper3800x600bf5.jpg
http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/8215/cathat3st3.jpg

Post some fukken cats people
infi
Posts: 4247
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
s*** derail
GumbyNoTalent
Posts: 6211
Location: Perth, Western Australia

* N U K E D *

Reason: Inappropriate
Click Here to See the Profile for GumbyNoTalent Edit This Post Click Here to send GumbyNoTalent an email Users HomePage Message User
Astroboy
Posts: 3698
Location: Germany
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/386/kitler8ij4.jpg
http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/8423/kitler189pw4.jpg

last edited by Astroboy at 15:50:07 19/Sep/06
Thundercracker
Posts: 1456
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/233/ramcatix3.jpg
infi
Posts: 4249
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
lawl at last one
rubba-chikin
Posts: 4949
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n239/rubbachikin/ca900185172715a6e53be3ace0073407.jpg

last edited by rubba-chikin at 18:03:37 19/Sep/06
Hashy
Posts: 3458
Location: Netherlands
Please fix it you colossal noob
rubba-chikin
Posts: 4950
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
If you were talking about my post, I had a feeling it may not like hotlinking but it displayed okay for me... I guessed it was okay.

I rehosted anyway... Otherwise I have no idea wtf you are on about.
Hashy
Posts: 3459
Location: Netherlands
SA reposts itt

Edit: v v v What happened to your cats honey?

last edited by Hashy at 18:28:18 19/Sep/06
Tanaka Khan
Posts: 3571
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
What I learned from owning cats (I no longer have them) is that pepper works ok inside a house. Outside you probably won't get a good effect. A spray bottle of vinager works well too, they can't stand it.
eP
Posts: 1976
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
bear traps.
Jim
Posts: 4806
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
haha @ invisible bike
groydis
Posts: 973
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
put some vinegar around the yard then tie a few bottles to places you ALWAYS see it, like on the steps and so forth.
Skitza
Posts: 7485
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
hahahahaha that's gold

Spook, they hate you too :)
Dodgymon
Posts: 1017
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
I have a similar problem with one of my cats. Except no matter how much of a beating I give it or what methods I use to train it, it is just too old retarded to work it out. It has even lost it's sense of toilet training.

I can't see myself putting it down however if the council took it away I wouldn't go get it back.
Hashy
Posts: 3460
Location: Netherlands
I hope someone thinks about putting you down when you're too old to remember anything or go potty by yourself

Yes, I am comparing human life to that of a cat

in this of all threads

Cue Dodgymon bringing up the ol' "I have no plans to live that long" bulls***
Loki
Posts: 7124
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
I hope someone thinks about putting you down when you're too old to remember anything or go potty by yourself
I f***in' hope so too.
See it all the time, sweet jesus christ you will be afraid of getting old when you see them quite content to lie in their own s***, piss, vomit or whatever and then get angry at the RNs PT's and everybody else who wants to help clean up >.<

Horrible, we should all be just shot and have it over and done with when we can no longer go to the toilet or even know what a toilet is anymore.
GumbyNoTalent
Posts: 6215
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Can't wait to s*** my pants and have a buxomus young thing sponge bath me after the warmth has faded... :)
Fnukle
Posts: 4780
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
don't blame the cats, blame the irresponsible owners that don't keep them under control
that fair dinkum crikey has me stumped.
How do you keep a cat under control??

I dont have any cats but have in the past, they they come and go as they please.
you cant(generally) take a cat to the park let it run around then call it back to take it back home.
Fence a yard to keep it 'under control'.
Do any f***ing thing for you.

also Invisible bike, awesum
whoop
Posts: 10414
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
http://home.iprimus.com.au/whoop/tn_IMG_1793.JPG
Hashy
Posts: 3462
Location: Netherlands
Post more cats desu
SCOGGEX
Posts: 567
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
so why did u ditch the felines TK? just curious
Tung
Posts: 4196
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
theres stuff you can get from pet stores which are little crystal rocks that you scatter around the area where you dont want them to come

so i guess get some and mark a circle around your property, and around your car, and you should be fine :p
paveway
Posts: 3619
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
and throw some over your shoulder for good luck
Tung
Posts: 4200
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
and wear an onion on your belt
Fireblood
Posts: 7672
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
bathe in garlic too
nF
Posts: 12564
Location: Wynnum, Queensland
sentry guns will do it
captivate
Posts: 655
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
nothing better than a shaved pussy


I lol'd. Alot.
Tanaka Khan
Posts: 3573
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
so why did u ditch the felines TK? just curious


Going to be moving soon, and selling my place, so I'll be going into a rental for 6 months or so, and it's somewhat hard looking for a rental that will allow cats. I took them down to the RSPCA, so with luck they'll find a good home.
natslovR
Posts: 5070
Location: Canberra, Australian Capital Territory
i heard a report the other week that cats have a parasite in them that infects their prey. When it takes hold of human women it makes them smarter, happier and more friendly. When it takes hold of men it lowers their IQ, slows them down and all this other negative stuff.

Supposedly what happens is the parasite is meant to slow down prey, the cat captures it, injests the parasite which then goes on to find other hosts.

That's why men don't like cats and women do. Here's an article on it.

last edited by natslovR at 21:06:49 20/Sep/06
Tung
Posts: 4201
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
i like cats
whoop
Posts: 10417
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
so do I
fpot
Posts: 13550
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
I love my cats :D
shad
Posts: 1663
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
nightly.
Hashy
Posts: 3473
Location: Netherlands
I like cats what happened to posting pictures of our fluffy feline friends?
Agent 99
Posts: 1372
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
I like dogs.


/cue posting of pictures of cute little dogs

Hashy
Posts: 3476
Location: Netherlands
/cue posting of pictures of cute little dogs
No such thing
Tung
Posts: 4202
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
ausimages is gone and i cbf signing up to image hosting sites

anyone got some free hosts, or can provide me with an email address so you can post cute pictures of my cats?
Hashy
Posts: 3477
Location: Netherlands
imageshack
fileanchor
imagesocket
paintedover
glowfoto

Welcome to the internet
Tung
Posts: 4204
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
ausimages was my interweb. now its gone.

:(
natslovR
Posts: 5071
Location: Canberra, Australian Capital Territory
The only reason you like cats is because their parasite is controlling your mind. No un-infected men like cats.
Tung
Posts: 4205
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
f*** it, ill do it at home.
Tung
Posts: 4206
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
my parasite controls your mums mind
demon
Posts: 2368
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
heh, that article on toxoplasma gondii is quite different to what i remember from that abc documentary on parasites. in that doco they said that the aim of the parasite was to make it's infected host take more risks in the face of possible predators so that the hosts brain might be eaten by said predator passing on the toxoplasma infection. i've never heard of different symptoms in the sexes or 'But both men and women who are infected are more prone to feeling guilty and insecure.' ... i think any sort of survey is going to show that a lot of people fell prone to guilt & insecurity :P

at least i am at small risk of infection due to me never liking cats or thier fluid transfering ways. it's only you cat-lovers that allow these parasites to rub thier s*** & fluids all over you that are going to be at risk of infection. the only time i come into contact with cats is the end of my boot at speed.

for hashy here is a cute image of a cat... just prior to going into the blender :D
http://dem0n.qgl.org/images/temp/cat.jpg

Tung
Posts: 4210
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
i love you demon :)
demon
Posts: 2369
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
thats the toxoplasma talkin' ;D
Spook
Posts: 16770
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
my favourite cat pixture
http://members.iinet.net.au/~davidbroughton/freecat.jpg
Splash
Posts: 2405
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
http://filestore.redlineau.com/filestore/splash/charly_and_missy1_small.jpg
Jum
Posts: 309
Location: Queensland
http://www.rhetto.com/random/images/doggystyle.gif
Tung
Posts: 4228
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
my older cat looks like splash's grey cat and is called Charlie too :D
Spook
Posts: 16773
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
haha jum

"take it all you bitch"
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